Dépaysement (h.s)

37

Delilah Lavigne

I feel guilty.

I didn't for the first few days, I actually felt a big weight being lifted off my chest. But now, as I have time to sit and think about it, I feel guilty for killing someone.

It was deserved. We all know that. But it doesn't mean I'm feeling completely joyous about it.

After we left him in the burning house, it was on the news that there was a house fire and that one body was discovered, but they only think he died in the fire. They never gave his name out or anything, just that the body was dead. Burnt to crisp. Then everybody moved on.

Niall and Liam met up with us the day after to tell us about Luca and their meeting, which went smoothly. After we told them everything that happened, they said they were proud of me.

Proud of me for killing someone.

I wish I could say that I'm happy about it, in the moment I was because I had wanted him dead for so long. But I took someone's life away, again. This time was planned but I didn't think I'd be the one to do it.

As soon as he revealed to me that he caused what happened on that night, something in me snapped. I couldn't control what I was doing, saying or feeling.

He caused me so much pain for years, and enough was enough.

But it doesn't change the pit in my stomach that is telling me I did something terribly wrong.

Harry keeps reassuring me that everything is okay and I did what I had to do, and he's probably right. I mean, we got away with it and nobody suspects anything so that's a good thing.

I'm still trying to decide on if I had the chance to take it back, would I?

He caused so much pain to not only me but probably hundreds of people. He's killed more people than I could imagine, people with families and a long life ahead of them.

Maybe I would just want to change the way I did it. I did it full of hatred, I did it slowly and painfully.

"Hey baby, are you okay?" Harry cuts off my thoughts by standing in front of me as I sit on the couch, curled up and staring outside the window.

I blink a couple times to get out of my daze and look up at his worried face, "I'm okay, just thinking."

He takes a seat next to me and rubs my thigh as a comfort, "About what?"

I shrug, "Just random things. It's not important don't worry."

Harry has been worried about me ever since it happened. He hasn't vocalized it but I can tell, he isn't hard to read. He's scared I'm gonna break, but this time is different.

Calum took something away from me, and I got it back. So I promised myself not to feel sorry for myself.

He sucks in a sharp breath, "Okay if you say so. I just got a call from Luca."

I furrow my eyebrows, "Really? What did he say?"

"He wants to meet with us, just us. Probably to discuss what happened or to give us information that he didn't give Liam and Niall on our next mission."