You, Alone. ✅

Chapter 27

Ammarah's pov

why do I exist- Zevia

I stretched my arms and squinted my eyes letting my room come into view. My eyes felt heavy and very sensitive to the light coming from the window. I got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. Did I pray such? Hasbunallah, what time is it? I quickly performed ablution, rushed out and grabbed my hijab spreading out the mat.

Minutes later, the door opened and I heard the familiar foot steps walk in and keep something on table.

"I took your phone because it was ringing and forgot to wake you up. Sorry" Rahma said and I nodded

"Are you okay? She asked hesitantly and I took a deep breath

"I'm not but I'm hanging on"

She clapped "Well hanging on is good, hanging on is great because soon you'll stand on your feet. I have ideas for what to do today. So remember the pack we saw on Instagram, today is their opening and I think we should go. It looked great right"

She came to my praying mat and kept the tray "I made you breakfast"

I tried to offer her a smile and ended up grimacing "Thank you Rahma"

She nodded "Dr Yahya has been calling you on and on and I had to take the phone with me yesterday night. It's on your bedside though, you can turn it off and if he calls me I'll tell them you're sick"

"Thank you. Why is he calling?

She was quiet then said "Your parent. That you are meeting them today"

A new wave of pain rushed through me as I remember how Rayyan promised to meet my parent. Is this really it? Is this the end of us? Or did he have a change of heart and decided to actually do the treatments. As much as the treatments doesn't mean recovery, it would be a relief to know that he's getting it.

I nodded "Did anyone...call beside him?

She realised what I was hinting at and sadly shook her head. I nodded stiffly and looked ahead

"Your mom came in last night when you were sleeping, she asked me what happened to you and I said I don't know. She's definitely coming here when she's awake"

"It's okay"

She dropped some medications in the tray "Take some pain killers, you were burning up last night"

I smiled at her, an attempted good smile and said "Thank you Rahma, for everything"

She reached down and squeezed my shoulder "If you need me, I'm always here"

I looked down at my praying mat as she walked out of the room and heaved a sigh. I really want to meet my parent, this is something i've been waiting for since I found out about them, Yet on the other hand, I don't have the energy to socialise neither do I want them to meet me like this.

I stood up from the praying mat then logged into Tik Tok to find a distraction. A video came along of a woman standing before hills with her hair flying out. The sound was of a man saying

"Sometimes we feel like the world is stuck, but it is not we are. And life actually keeps moving. You either move with it or you drown and there's so much to see above the water that is worth fighting for"

I stared with a blank expression and scrolled to the next video. However, minutes later, I was back watching the video on and on. I watched the videos that had the same sound and they were all about moving on from pain, not getting stuck in a place and appreciating life.

It took me ten minutes to call Dr Yahya and confirm our meet up then running to the bathroom to take a bath.

I was not going to get stuck on Rayyan,he is part pf my life not all of it. I need to meet my family and I'm doing just that !

^*^*^*^*^*^*^

I tightened the laces of my shoes. It's been ages since I wore shoes with laces, I specifically hated those shoes and never wore them but today I am putting them on. I walked to the mirror and stared at my puffy eyes before taking a deep breath. I've got this.

I grabbed my bag and walked out of my room heading to my mother's room. I knocked softly on her door and minutes later she opened and looked at me, cupping my face in her palms

"Are you okay? What happened yesterday?

I slightly patted her hands "I'm meeting my parent"

She stiffened and quickly tried to dismiss the topic "Why were you crying"

I grabbed both of her hands and looked into her eyes "Don't! don't try to dismiss me like you always do. Closing your eyes on something doesn't mean it doesn't exist"

She removed her hands "How?

"Rayyan and Dr Yahya helped me find them"

She nodded tightly and tried to go back in but I held the door and stopped her.

"You were dismissed as a child, you grew up dismissing me as a mother and I want you to stop Mummy. Acknowledge your pain, your failure, your success and everything that surrounds you. I am choosing to forgive you not because I am compelled to, but because I want you to see how your actions has affected people around you. And maybe then, you'll start being a little bit attentive to the people that love you"

Her eyes started swelling with tears and she looked at me for a second contemplating on what to do, and then gradually, like in the dreams I have when I was six, she pulled me into her. I smelled her perfume, the one I catch briefly as she walk pass me or stand next to me in crowd.

Softly, her breath fanned my ear and she said "I'm sorry"

I kept my own tears at bay, not wanting to cry again. We broke the hug and she mouthed "go" at me. I smiled and looked at her hoping she gets my message. A look that says "I hope you heal mummy, I hope you heal with every love in me".

I bid Rahma goodbye and walked out of the house with a lighter heart. I am to meet Dr Yahya at Tribes by Meena  where we will also meet with my family.

There was a lump in my throat, nervous at meeting them and a stone in my chest, broken by Rayyan but I still placed a foot in front of the other and got into the car. I've always let people's decision affect me, my parent dismissal, my father's acceptance then confession, Rayyan's decision. My life has been a turmoil of events that I deal with on the aftermath of other's actions.

But now, right this moment, I am doing this for myself. She deserves this, she does.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

I met Dr Yahya thirty minutes later. We exchanged pleasantries and then went quiet. He seemed to notice a problem with Rayyan and I and so didn't talk about him.

"When will they be here? I asked him after a while

He checked his phone "In ten minutes"

I nodded "Just my parent?

"And your twin"

My eyes widen "I have a twin?

"A male twin yes"

Dr Yahya noticed how i've started getting upset on not being told I am a twin and he quickly said

"Rayyan wanted it to be a surprise"

I nodded stiffly and watched how I'm fidgeting with my hands. I have a twin! Are we identical? Would he love me? Would my family accept me? Do they even want me? Was it a bad idea? What if they're better off without me?

I quickly reminded myself how I really deserve happiness, joy and acceptance from people I love. My thoughts were cut off when i heard Dr Yahya speak

"Great, they're here" He said standing up and I slowly turned to look at them.

And there, stood a tall man, a beautiful woman beside him and another young man of my age. Three people who I am a part of, three people I don't remember, three people I had loved, known, adored as a kid.

Three people, who are my first family.