The Archshade

Twenty-Seven

I pull away from Baden. "Leave Arcadia... tonight?"

He nods. "We'll head over the northern mountains. We'll make it to Vayssar or...or... even farther!"

I let my gaze fall to the floor, trying to understand my own thoughts. These past few days, I pined for the Palace of Aaru-Sheol, for my old life, despite all the times I tried to escape it. I just wanted to grasp anything familiar, any shred of comfort to ground me as I whirled through Arcadia—a leaf caught in a storm. But now when I consider leaving Daynar... that same longing takes root.

A part of me is begging to leave with Baden and never know the ending of my story in Arcadia, never care that I left everything unfinished. But another part of me pulls towards a mysterious affection—pulls toward Daynar.

"What's the matter?"

I look up to see Baden's expression fall. His eyes once alight with such hopeful purpose now fade to disappointment. My reluctance must be clear.

"You came all this way for me..." I shake my head slowly. "Baden, I missed you so much, but..."

"But?"

"I just... I just think Daynar may—"

"'Daynar?' You mean Prince Daynar? The Archshade?" Baden's eyes flash, and his voice turns cold. "What about him?"

I fumble with my words. "N-nothing. I just... I think I should talk to him."

"Talk to him?!" Baden turns away, running a hand through his hair and pulling at the unruly strands. "Why? You just told me you tried to kill the Archshade, and now you want to tell him about our plan to escape?! This is the same man who... I mean, he forced you to—!"

"He never touched me!" I shout.

Baden settles back, his rage momentarily replaced with confusion. "He... he never touched you? Not once?"

"Not once," I whisper. "He's not like the other nobles. Baden, he's different. I'm telling you, he can help us."

"But I thought..." Baden struggles to find the words to describe the horror which happened to me in his imagination. "I thought you were... You... want to stay...? I came to save you... from nothing?"

His words tear me in half. The weight of my guilt and my clawing confliction of loyalties becomes a physical pain in my chest, searing and cold. Syris choosing me... Baden's rescue attempt... Darcron's violence and addiction... Daynar's ruinous power... It all swirls around me, tangled and confusing as I try to find my place in it all. But when I push away all the hidden agendas and all the ulterior motives, Tali's voice returns to me, reminding me of something she said when we first met.

"You are one thing first and foremost, and that thing is female. You were made to be conquered and claimed... it is the same lie and the same truth."

No one ever cared to know what I want.

That soothing warmth which once chased away the leeching, coiling fear is not part of me. It was Daynar fanning a spark of hope for something that could never exist—something that's less than the freedom I've craved for a lifetime. Deep within me, I can finally feel it. It's faint, but for the first time in my life, it feels real.

I reach out and grab Baden's hands, my eyes clear and resolved. "Baden, we'll be free, I promise. We just need time to make a plan, and we won't make it far without help and provisions."

My words lift him up, and his old passion returns. He gives my hands a gentle squeeze and says excitedly, "Soon then. Ask this prince to help us, if you must. But soon, you'll be free and gone from all of this."