"_whos your teen romance?
_him, he was my teen romance
_was?? i dont get it."
how can you love someone new when every night you dream of them.
i dont want to love you, i want to be free, i want to be me, but when i shut my eyes all i see is you
"...
its been like im falling in this dark abyss forever, i now call it home. you broke my heart into little razor sharp peices, i cut my fingers everytime i try to put it back together as its so painful what we had, what we did. even with all of that, you will continue to shine in my memories as i never could forget the light you brought into my dark abyss. -Zahi. zahikhanji I quit checking my phone, accepting the fact that no ones gonna text me. Im scared, im terrified, i cant wait to hit the bed but, tomorrow makes me scared. Too many thoughts, too many feelings struggling to leave my mouth. The phones buzzing. The phones buzzing. Please let that be a message from Adam oh god. Sandra<3- Attachment: 1 image Sandra<3- Alex i found that on Adams phone you need to see it.. Sandra<3- Alex Adam was NOT cheating you need to believe me i was there, Alex. My heart skips a beat, i open the message. Oh. My. God.
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Oh. My. Adam. I belong somewhere, but not here. It is coming. Shes coming back. Used Used Used Used. Stop trying to avoid me Alex Im your inner self. Dont avoid me. Your not my inner self, Your my inner demon but its hard to let you go because you were the only person who was holding me when nobody else was. AHAHA I KNOW. You see how easy you are to manipulate? Thats also how Josh feels HAHA, im starting to like that Josh Shut. The. Fuck. Up. No you shut the fuck up you fucker, You better shut up and suck it up before it fuckes you up you bummer. I cant think, she's talking too loud i cant think. I grab my phone. I text Adam. His phones off. Why is his phone off, is he okay? did something bad happened? Is he ignoring me? Are you mad at me? Adam? Are you not mine anymore? Or maybe hes just ignoring you he probably forgot about your existence since you are so easy to forget AHAHA No i want my life back, I want myself back. I want my Adam back. My Adam. Mine. I open the phone. I start typing. "Hey Adam, Can we talk" No, no, no, no that wont work out "Hey Adam, we need to talk." No that wont work out either. "Hey Adam, How are you" Yes. I press send. A minute passes by. He replies. Adam replies. My Adam. Adam<3: Um hey, i really cant talk rn. Alex: oh im sorry i dont want to annoy you im uh sorry take care Adam. Adam<3: no, i always have time for you, Alex. Its just my dad. Well after the breakup josh showed up to my house and we got into a lil fight.. I got stabbed in my back and i kinda have a surgery.. Thats not the problem tho, the problem is thatt, my mums god mad, like really mad, and got took all my devices, she also read the letter, she kinda knew it was because of you and now im not allowed to contact or text you. I am really sorry, Alex. i thought you forgot about me. Im sorry but i cant text you anymore. I miss you, tho, i miss you and me, i miss us. Remember when you stole that cap from me at the mall? I miss what we had, not gonna lie Alex i never had a kind of love like that before. You will forever be my favorite person, Alex. I love you. We didnt have a "normal relationship" It was probably my fault getting attached to you, i always had that crush on you, even tho you rejected me first, i still tried. But, in the abandoned corridors of my soul, your footsteps, still echo, late at night. Everyday, i wake up, i wonder why, it went all wrong, why it happened, i know you also got so attached Alex, i know it, and deep down you also know it. You dont have to wake up or go to sleep thinking about how much you miss it, but i do. And it always hurts a little bit more each time. Iam sorry Alex, but i have to block you cause of my Mom, Iam so sorry i promise you to look back for you, i know you love me, please wait for me. I promise you that one day it's gonna be just me and you, i promise you to come back, if not now, then i promise you to come back when things get better and when i get older i promise you id marry you, Alex Taylor. Yes, Alex Taylor, Not Alex smith, I love you, Alex Taylor. My heart is yours, Alex Taylor. Alex, please stay safe, please take care of yourself. I love you from here to there. My. Heart. Stops. its choice and it chose him, it chose him to wait for. My heart chose Adam. I picked my poison and its Adam. Till we meet again, My Adam.
