Chapter 188: Whenever You're Ready

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"I don't want to go back." I sighed, looking over at him as he kept his eyes on the road. His lips curled into a smile as he reached over, taking my hand.
"Neither do I." He laughed. "I have three interviews today and then one is meeting me at the venue right before the show." I nodded, holding my stare on him, leaning over, kissing his cheek.

"Thank you for making time for us." I said softly. He peeked over at me, his cheeks burning red.
"Thank you for being so understanding about all of this." I shrugged, looking back out.
"Well, I knew what I was getting into. You are good, I should have expected this much sooner." I giggled to myself. I felt his grip on my hand get tighter as he intertwined our fingers.

As we pulled into the venue parking lot, my stomach dropped when I saw Sam smoking outside the bus. Jake's face dropped as he pulled around, parking the van.

"Do you want me to say anything?" He asked. I bit down on my lip, shaking my head.
"I'd.. prefer if we all just.. forgot about it." I said softly. He nodded, biting down on his lip.
"Okay.." He finally said. "But if he comes near you-"
"Then you can say whatever you want." I smirked. He winked at me before hopping out of the van, going into the backseat to grab our bags. As I went to grab the door, he beat me to it, opening it, pulling me into a gentle kiss.
"Just one more before we head back to reality." He sighed, motioning towards the bus. I felt my heart jump as he slipped his hand into mine.

I knew no matter what happened, I would always be okay if I was with him.

I saw Sam look over at us as we made our way over, but I kept my eyes down, closely following Jake as he pulled me up the stairs of the bus, slamming the door behind us harder than usual. I could tell it was intentional.

"I can do the interviews in my bunk if you want the room to yourself." He said softly, motioning outside. I nodded, thankful I wouldn't have to run into anyone.
"Or you can stay with me if you want." I said, still holding onto his hand, not wanting to leave him yet, not even for a minute. He smirked back, pulling me in close, kissing my forehead.
"I don't wanna bother you with these, and you know how I get." He laughed. "Besides.. we really didn't get much sleep. You should try to get some rest before the show tonight." I nodded, hooking my fingers in his hands.

He was right. We didn't want the night to end, so much that.. we really didn't sleep at all.

"Okay.." I sighed, pulling him into a kiss. "But.. come lay down when you're done." He nodded, his smile growing.
"Don't you worry, I will be counting down the minutes." He laughed, kissing me again before gently hitting my butt, pushing me towards the door. My cheeks burned as I quickly turned back to face him, my eyes getting wide. He shook his head, his smile growing.
"Oh, like I haven't done more than that before." He joked, winking back at me before crawling into his bunk. "Go on."

I bit down on my lip, trying my best to contain my smile before finally going into the back room, shutting the door behind me. Everything was still decorated, the many bouquets scattered around the room, but eventually my eyes landed on a light blue vase, filled with white and purple lilies in the center of my end table that I hadn't noticed before. It was huge, having to be more than two dozen of them. My smile grew as my heart started beating faster. Jake had really out done himself, and how he managed to do all of this, I'll never know. I was so lucky. Looking down, I saw there was a card attached.

Jess,

There are no words to express how sorry I am. I understand if you never want to speak to me again, I wouldn't blame you in the slightest, but I couldn't leave you to think I don't regret every second of what happened. You didn't make me do anything, I know that. My feelings are my own responsibility and.. I crossed a line. You are still my best friend; you always will be, and whether or not I'm still your's is up to you, but I will always be here for you, Jess. No matter what. I know that flowers can't make up for the things that I said or the things that I did, but I just need you to know how sorry I am. Hopefully one day we can talk about this and move forward.

I really do hope that you're happy. I know that you make Jake happier than he's ever been, and if the both of you are happy, then I can find a way to be happy too.

Whenever you're ready.
Love always,
Sam.

I sat down on the edge of the bed, re-reading it over and over. Flashes of last night replayed over in my mind. I had never seen him like that before, and the last thing I ever wanted to do was lose him as a friend, but if it meant hurting Jake anymore than I already had, I was willing to.

But if Jake and I were going to get married, Sam was going to be my family too.

I thought back to that night back home, him and I talking under the faded streetlights about how one day, I might be his sister, and now it was actually happening. And I wanted nothing more than for him to be there with me through it all.. but only if we were on the same page.

I finally put the card back down on my end table, quietly making my way out of the room and into the main area of the bus. Jake subtly peeked up at me from behind his computer, shooting me confused eyes. I nodded, flashing him a reassuring smile before making my way down the steps and heading outside where Sam had lit another cigarette, no doubt trying to kill time before having to come back inside. He turned to face me at the sound of the door, taking a drag, blowing his smoke in the other direction.

"Hey.." He said softly, looking down at his feet.
"Hey." When he peeked back up at me, I noticed a dark bruise had begun to form around his eye.
"Sorry about that." I giggled. He smirked, taking another drag.
"Yeah.." He sighed. "Don't worry. I deserved it." I nodded, holding my stare on him.

"What happened, Sam?" I finally asked, crossing my arms, leaning back against the bus. He shrugged, looking away.
"I guess.. everything just kinda hit me, that you.. I don't know. And.. then I drank.. way too much and I just.. felt worse, and.. I'm just really sorry." He muttered, taking another drag. "Did you see the flowers?" I nodded, my smile growing.
"Yes, thank you. They're beautiful." I said softly. He shook his head, giggling to himself.
"I'm honestly surprised you even noticed them behind the entire garden Jake apparently brought in. I definitely wasn't expecting all that. So now.. even that didn't feel good enough."

"Sam.." He shook his head, forcing a smile.
"It's okay. I.. I meant what I said. I can.. push past it. I just.. I can't bare for us to not even be friends."
"I would like to be friends." I managed. "But.. only if that's what this actually is. I love him, Sam. And I'm going to be with him. And.. I'd love for you to be part of that, but.. only if you can respect it." He nodded, looking back down at his feet.
"I can do that, Jess." He said. I pushed myself off of the bus, going over to him. He blew the rest of his smoke away, flicking his cigarette onto the ground and stomping it out before I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. He held me tight, rubbing my back, gently rocking back and forth.

When I backed away, he was already starting down at me with his same dazed eyes, his cheeks flushed. I quickly looked away, breaking our stare.
"Hey, how's um.. Sadie?" I asked. His face dropped.
"Oh.. uh.. she's.. she's fine, I guess, why?" I shrugged.
"I don't know, she's cute. You should.. you know.. get to know her." He nodding, biting down on his lip, his eyes now looking sad.
"Y-yeah.." He finally sighed, kicking the loose pavement beneath his feet. "Sure, I guess.. why not."

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