𝙏𝙀𝙈𝙋𝙀𝙍 ✓ 𝘑𝘢𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘏𝘢𝘭𝘦 • 𝘉𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘖𝘯𝘦 •

12.

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The last years has been difficult for Edward, quite frankly it has been difficult for us all with the way he always goes for Carlisle's throat in every little issue there is. He's angry all the time, almost like his teenager hormones are still active even if that's physically impossible. to be honest he's acting rather dramatic about anything that could possibly annoy him. I have grown tired of it, tired of it all. The feeling hasn't gone away and it keeps on bugging me more and more with each passing day. My thoughts constantly fight against each other. Carlisle and Edward has one argument at least once a day whilst Esme and I are left to either stand and watch or break them apart. 

Carlisle always keeps himself on the calm side, never bursts out in anger like Edward does. He always reasons with his intellect rather than his emotions, relies on his brain and knowledge other than his irritation and vexation. That of course makes Edward more angry than he had been before since he was unable to keep his temper in check. He blows up more angry than before and before we all know it he has begun to scream at the blond man with rather unreasonable arguments.

Little things as paint colour to big things as where we should live and how our diet is affecting our bodies could be subjects which the arguments are based upon. I do not myself understand how one person could want to verbally scream his temper out since I held it all inside, though that was only me. I prefered to bottle it up until I needed a punching bag or 30 punchingbags to let it all out. 

He has been complaining more and more about drinking animal blood instead of human blood because it is more humane. He says that he does not feel satisfied, that he is missing a part of his immortal life. That I can understand, it doesn't feel perfectly completing to feed out of animals. It's almost as if a human would only live out of sallad and nothing else, it keeps you alive but not at your strongest. But what I didn't understand was his anger towards it all, that was a thing he could keep to himself.

Since day one we had allowed him to run off. He had never been forced to stay with us or even in the same country as we were. He could leave whenever he wanted to, however he wanted to and where ever he wanted to. I didn't particularly fancy him leaving since I had grown fond of him during the years he has been with us, to be presice nine years. Although I wasn't the one to stand in front of him living his life out to the fullest, even if it meant him going after humans instead of animals.

Carlisle... Where should I begin? He has spent his time a lot more with Esme lately, that I couldn't judge him for. He was in love and she was in love, they were in love. They were soulmates even how utterly childish that sounded. They do everything together, hunt, enjoy their freetime, hold conversations, read books, anything that anyone could ever think about. It was slightly annoying, how they could be so sickly sweetly in love. However it was just sickly sweet that made it adorable as well.

Edward is the complete opposite to the two lovebirds. Instead of spending his time with anyone at all he keeps to himself, almost at all times. It has begun to worry me, how shut off he has become, how lonely he looks. It brings me back to how lonley we both were. We didn't have anyone like Carlisle or Esme did, we only had each other and right now each other wasn't much to hold on to. He got fed up by my mere presence and making him upset was the last thing I wanted to do. 

Looking at the stars with a book in my hand had once more returned as one of the things to do to pass time faster along with sketching on new ideas of inventions. It seemed to make everything pass by quicker, and that I was grateful for. Everything went slow unlike it had done before, it went so slow. One second felt like an hour instead, an hour felt like a week. I had grown tired of the uneventful days, yet I started to find myself back in a routine more than I had done before. The routine was a thing that repeated itself day after day, week after week. Of course it eventually became rather boring, though I would take boring in front of stress any time a day.