Swallow

Chapter 1.66:

I woke up with bright orange light blasting in my eyes.  Someone was about to get their head bashed in for shining a flashlight in my face while I was trying to sleep.  I turned over onto my side to search the room for the prick.  It turned out that the culprit was none other than the rays of Sun brightly slicing through my window.

The first purchase I was going to make when I got my next paycheck was a new set of indestructible blinds. Of all the household objects I had ever destroyed while in a fit of rage, the missing blinds were the only item to ever swing back. They had gotten their revenge in the cruelest way possible. 

Waking up this way was much worse than when Riley smashed me in the face with a pillow. At least she was naked with her boobs bouncing in my face when I opened my eyes that time.

Shit, Riley.

I jumped up quickly when I recalled what I was doing right before falling asleep.  I grabbed my phone and flipped it over to see if Riley had responded yet.

The only missed messages were from JD and Mark asking me where I had gone last night.  In the last message JD sent, he said they ended up canceling the show and were headed back to the house. 

I felt a slight twinge of guilt for leaving them high and dry, but there was no way I could have performed after what happened.

I found Riley's number near the top of my call log and pressed talk.  I leaned down onto my hand and pushed my hair off my head while waiting for the speaker to start ringing.  I grabbed a fistful of the tangled mess and yanked out all my frustration when the line went straight to voicemail instead.

Either she was declining my call, or her phone was dead. I tapped my foot and began twisting my eyebrow rings to pass the time as I painstakingly waited for the beep.

"Hey, It's me again." I began and let out a long breath.

"I'm not sure if you are getting my messages. I know you went psycho because you thought you saw...." I cursed under my breath when I realized what I had said. I was so busy overthinking everything that I wasn't even paying attention to the words coming out of my mouth.

"I didn't mean it like that. I just meant...." I paused too long as I continued beating myself up for how the message was playing out. The sober version of myself was worse at smoothing things out than the intoxicated one.

"Fuck, Riley, I am not good at this shit at all. Ignore what I just said and everything else I sent to you last night. I don't know what I am doing, but I know I am doing it all wrong. Honestly, I don't know what the fuck this even is. I can't think straight whenever you're around. It's like you are the only thing that even exists anymore. I have never felt this way about someone. I hate the way it hurts without you and it pisses me off. I feel so fucking lost right now and it scares the shit out of me. Please answer me. I just need to hear your voice again so the pain stops. Riley, please just call me back."

I felt the tears brimming in my eyes and I hung up the phone to wipe them away before the invisible ghosts around me could see how weak I was.  I wasn't allowed to be soft— not even for her.

If my dad were here right now, he would be laughing in my face and calling me a pussy for weeping over some girl. The only time he ever cried was when he came down, but it wasn't because he was sorry for what he said or did to us. My dad cried for his next fix.

He always loved his next high more than my mom or me.

I had to get out of this room before drowning myself in my own thoughts. Once the leak started trickling, it would only be a matter of moments before the current was as strong as a river in a torrential downpour.  Self-regulation was not my strong suit when I was stressed.

I rose up out of my bed and went to take a scalding shower to wash the stench of last night away.  The change of scenery didn't do anything to help my somber mood.  Everything in this house reminded me of Riley. Even when I looked into the mirror, all I could see was the memory of her standing in front of me, with my fingertips slowly tracing patterns over her soft skin. I felt powerful and strong that day as I watched her give herself completely over to me. It felt like I could do anything as long as I had her in my arms.

The guy from that day was not the same one staring back at me this morning. My sad reflection was hollow and broken down.  Dark circles wrapped around my bloodshot eyes and I could see the pulse racing under my skin.  I was only twenty-two and I felt so much older. My body had aged a lifetime in the hours since she stormed off.

When I finally made my way downstairs, I heard voices in the kitchen having an intense conversation. I had the bright idea that sitting down to watch some tv might help me take my mind off of everything.

As soon as the remote was in my hand, I overheard Riley's name slip from Anna's tongue. I placed the remote gently down on the coffee table without turning the tv on. I tried to stay as silent as possible so I could listen in without anyone noticing I was there.

"Why did Riley hit the girl?" Anna berated JD.

"I don't know, Anna."  JD's voice went shrill with irritation.

"You know that is not something your sister would do. Something is wrong with her. You have to call her and get her to talk to you." Anna continued to defend Riley.

"I tried a thousand times. She won't answer the phone. Brynn and Aiden can't even get her to respond back. She is ghosting everyone."  JD sighed.

I wanted to feel a little relieved that it wasn't just me she was ignoring, but it didn't help the lingering ache plaguing my body. I didn't care if she refused to speak to any of them for the rest of her life as long as she came back to me.

"Did your mom and dad say anything? Have they noticed anything?" Anna kept on badgering him.

"I talked to my mom this morning. She said Riley is hiding in her room and won't come out." JD sighed.

"That's it. We are going over there. We will get to the bottom of it. Whether she likes it or not, she will tell us what is going on." Anna commanded.

"Anna, not right now. Riley just needs some time to calm down before we go in guns a-blazing.   You know she likes to fold in and stew for a few days when she is upset.  Let's give her some time. She is probably embarrassed about what she did.  The best thing for her would be if we all pretended like it didn't happen until she is ready to talk about it." JD replied.

"JD... you're wrong. Something is different and it's not good. I have a bad feeling. Your sister is not ok." Anna's voice got quiet.

"Please just trust me, Anna. I know my sister better than anyone else. Give her some time." JD sounded so confident that he even had me convinced it was the right thing to do.

Giving Riley space would kill me, but it was the only thing I hadn't tried yet. If there was a possibility it would work, then it was worth a shot. JD did grow up with her, he had probably seen her do this before.

I pulled out my phone and began texting Riley that I wouldn't bother her again until she was ready to talk to me.

I sent her another thirty-six messages over the next hour to remind her to let me know when she wanted me to call. I even offered to come over to her house later to talk.

I chewed on my fingernails until they bled while I sent her texts for three more hours asking her if she had enough time to think yet.

I was giving her the space that she needed like JD said. She was going to call me anytime now.

All I had to do was wait it out.