Ad Infinitum (Remus Lupin X Reader)

XXVII • Non Tuum

XXVII • Non Tuum • Not Yours

By the time I got back to the castle, it was four in the evening. I was exhausted, and my shoulders and back were aching. All I wanted to do was to sleep.

I sighed as I reached my room, pushing the door open.

Inside, the pile of papers to be graded was taller than I remembered, and I knew that I was due to study Latin again. I huffed and dropped into my chair, leaning my elbows on the desk. Craning my neck awakened the sharp pain in my spine, so I straightened up, staring at the work I had to get done but not making a move to start on it.

I jumped at a knock on my door, wiping my tired eyes and opening the door.

"Hey," I said as I saw Remus.

"I was hoping you'd be back," he said.

"You look tired," I said. "Shouldn't you be resting?"

"I just left the hospital wing; I'm feeling better," he said. "You look exhausted."

I tried to smile. "Are you coming in?" I asked.

"If you'll have me," he said and entered the room when I stepped back. "You know, I can leave if you want to get some sleep."

"I'm fine," I said and shut the door, sitting down on my bed with a wince as my back twinged.

"You're hurting?" he asked.

"No, I'm fine," I said and rolled my shoulders. "Are you?"

"We're not getting far with this conversation," he said and smiled pitifully as he watched me stretch my spine tenderly.

"Because you're denying everything," I said.

"So are you."

"Because my problems aren't as serious as yours," I said.

"That's simply untrue," he said.

"Hm."

"Your back is hurting?" he asked.

I shrugged, the movement making me wince. He raised his eyebrows and stood behind me, setting his hands on my shoulders and digging his thumbs into the spot between my shoulders. I wrinkled my nose and whined, "I'm fine."

"Then pretend I'm giving you a romantic massage," he said, working his thumbs over the tense spot in my back.

"It's too rough to be romantic," I said, swaying slightly under the pressure from his hands.

"Romance and roughness complement each other," he said.

"Shouldn't I be taking care of you? You were just the one who was sick," I said, biting down on my lip as his fingers dug into my back hard enough to bruise.

"It wasn't the worst bout of illness," he said. "Severus' potion seemed to have done the trick."

"That's good," I said. "So you really are feeling better?"

"I'm just a little tired," he said. "How did your visit home go?"

"I'd hardly call it a visit," I said, relaxing as his movements became more gentle.

"That bad?" he asked.

"The bartender had me come pick my dad and my brother, Thomas, up. My dad had almost drunk himself into a coma and my brother was following close behind," I said. "Isaiah had some girl over. I walked in on him last year with a girl, so I made Thomas get the girl out before I went in."

Remus tutted in disapproval, easing his massage into a soothing back rub. My eyelids felt heavy under his touch.

"Are they all okay?" he asked, sitting beside me, his hand still resting on my back.

"I don't know," I said. "I left before they woke up."

"Did you stay the night there?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Yeah," I said and sighed. "I had to clean the place up. I don't know how they're all still alive."

Remus was silent.

"I know it's stupid. I shouldn't keep going back there. They rely on me now, trusting that I'll come and fix everything for them," I said and shook my head.

"It's not stupid."

"It is. I'm part of the reason none of them have gotten better," I said.

"No, you're not," he said. "Don't say that."

"It's true, though. They know that someone will clean up after them and make sure they get home. All they have to do is lie and say they'll try to get better, and I'll come back the next year and take care of them," I said, feeling tears build in my eyes.

"It's not your fault that they take advantage of your kindness," he said.

"But I know they are and I'm still letting it happen," I said and sniffled, wiping away my tears.

"That doesn't make their choices your fault," he said. "It just shows that you're kind."

"I told Isaiah I'm not doing it anymore," I said and stared at the floor. "It's too much. The day should be for remembering my mom, not trying to save people who don't want to be saved."

Remus nodded.

"Am I being selfish?"

"No," he said.

"Be honest," I said.

"I truthfully don't think you are. They have been selfish all this time. You shouldn't have to take care of them," he said, grabbing my hand and squeezing it.

"I feel awful though."

"The consequence of empathy," he said, running his thumb over my hand.

"My mom used to say that when we feel empathy for people who are unhappy, we're taking some of the weight off of their shoulders by letting them share the unhappiness," I said, staring at our hands.

"You can only do that for so long," he said quietly. "It's not your weight to bear."

sorry this chapter is so freaking short. idk man