The Perfect Sin

37

𝗟 𝗨 𝗟 𝗔

I can't breathe.

There's no air. My chest is heavy and my throat feels like it's closing up. I'm sweating everywhere, burning from the inside out.

My eyes snap open and I sit up in bed, gasping for air as I brush my damp hair away from my face. I glance around the room, holding the sheets tightly in a closed fist as I desperately try to control my breathing.

It was a dream. It was just a bad dream.

Reaching over to the nightstand, I pick up the glass of water and drink until there's nothing left in it. I never have bad dreams. Even as a child, I never really suffered from nightmares.

It's this place. It's making me crazy.

Looking over at the digital alarm clock, I squint my eyes to read the time. 5:08am. Wonderful. Well it doesn't look like I'm going to get anymore sleep now.

With a roll of my eyes, I get out of bed and pad my way to the bathroom. A shower might help wash away the dream. It was strange. It was like I was hanging onto something really high in the air, it was dark and cold.

I was scared. So scared.

My grip was loosening from whatever I was holding onto. Then suddenly, Renzo was there. He was standing near me, looking down as I was struggling to keep my grip.

I was crying. Begging him to help me and to my surprise, he did. He came to me and reached out but then suddenly my grip loosened and I fell. Everything went black.

I've always been superstitious that if you dream of falling and don't wake up before you hit the ground, do you die in your sleep? I woke up just as I was about to hit the ground. I didn't feel the impact but I knew that I'd almost landed.

Turning the shower on, I remove my clothes and step inside. The water is warm against my skin, washing away my sorrows and running down my body. I adjust the temperature slightly, making the water hotter.

It burns. My skin turns red and it stings, but I don't care. It needs to get rid of the pain. That dream scared me, to the point where I actually feel physically sick.

I don't know what it was or what it meant. But I know that I'm scared. And all alone. No mom, no dad.. no one.

No one to contact. No one to call. No one to hug and tell me it will be okay.

I can't do this anymore.

Sitting down on the shower floor, I huddle my knees up to my chest and rest my head on them, allowing the water to just fall down onto me. I can barely feel the tears falling down my cheeks as they blend in with the shower water, but I know they're there.

I just can't believe this is happening to me. I don't want to be here. I want to go home.

The noise of the shower blocks out the sound of my cries as I run my hands through my hair, squeezing every last tear out.

My arm is healing well, and it doesn't appear as though it's going to scar. Although it is uncomfortable under the hot water, but I don't care.