Silent Love, Silent Pain [Levi x OC]

88. Inaccessible

Sophie decided to go to sleep. She was exhausted. Not physically, but emotionally, unable to force any kind of expression on her face, unable to force any change of tone in her voice, unable to put it into words. All that she could do was growl angrily and there was no point in it, thus she closed her eyes.

Her sleep wasn't peaceful. On the contrary, she was hunted by guilt and rage, anxious about all the possible solutions of the situation she was currently in. It seemed like the constant battle she was facing while conscious, was now also happening subconsciously. It was fucking insane. She felt insane. Maybe she just was insane ? With that thought on her mind, she woke up. Much to her surprise she wasn't alone in the room anymore.

"Did you sleep well?" Hange asked. She looked tired, definitely more tired than Sophie remembered her and even during these last months they spent together, she aged a lot compared to how she used to be in Paradis.

Paradis. The thought of the island brought a whole new wave of memories. Those good and bad, mostly the ones including Levi. They were pretty happy, weren't they?

"Did you just...smile?" She asked confusedly. It was something she didn't expect to witness after what Levi told them about their conversation. If she was so tense talking with her own husband, then how on earth is it possible she's so...seemingly cheerful? It was all pretty disturbing. Hange noted in mind to check her for concussion.

As soon as Sophie heard that question, she went back to her unapproachable facial expression from before. "No," she averted her eyes. She couldn't afford smiling, she didn't deserve moments like this. Why the hell would she smile after all the crimes she had committed? "Why are you here?" She cleared her throat, desperate to change the subject.

"I brought you breakfast," she pointed at the plate full of bread that she grabbed right away and took a first bite. "Glad you like it," she smiled at her, but she didn't react, instead focusing on her meal. "Did they...did they let you eat?" She asked after a moment of hesitation. She didn't know what to talk about with her, if she would be up to talk at all.

"I'm still here, right? I wouldn't be if they starved me," she grunted between bites. She didn't want to talk about it. She really didn't want to.

"Right, sorry for asking," she scratched her head in embarrassment. "You gained a bit of weight after all," she blurted and Sophie glared at her in a way that made Hange take a few steps back. Sophie nodded at her with a sad sparkle in her eyes. Of course Hange was scared by that look of hers. Who wouldn't? Those poor people she killed in the name of Tybur were the greatest proof it was right to fear her.

"Leave me alone, I want to eat in peace," Sophie said, still avoiding eye contact.

"Sophie, maybe-"

"We ain't friends no more, don't try to act like one because it won't be mutual," she harshly cut in.

"Do you seriously want to break all of the ties with us?" She blinked in disbelief. She actually didn't want to believe Levi's words before. She didn't want to believe that Sophie could act so strange and ruthless and...cold. If it wasn't for her face, she would be convinced they were talking to someone completely different, not even related to her. Alas, it was her. There was no doubt about it. She started to think that checking her for concussion wouldn't be enough, that it was most likely she needed to be consulted by someone who was familiar with mental issues. She needed to be provided with that kind of help in the first place.

"Sure, why not?" Sophie shrugged in response, trying her best to not wince or appear hesitant. No, she had to be firm about it. She had to push them away, as far as possible. She had to push the memories of them away. Lock them deep inside, free herself from it as she couldn't be freed from the Tyburs. Oh, she could feel how blood was boiling in her veins due to anger. How she wanted to dig nails in their skulls and crush it in her hands. Her eyes widened slightly as she realised what she thought about. She feared that Hange noticed that, but when she rose her head, she wasn't in the room anymore. She left her alone, just as she wished for. Good.