Silent Love, Silent Pain [Levi x OC]

38. Confession

When Sophie calmed down entirely Erwin already left her room. She was alone with Levi who was still caressing her hair, making her want to close her eyes again and enjoy his firm, yet gentle touch. She realised that she was clutching her hands on his shirt and she blushed, pulling away from him, much to his discontent.

He loves those rare moments of closeness, her touch on his body. It was everything he could count on from time to time. Of course, he prefered when those moments happened in more positive situations, but he wasn't going to complain that she leaned on him, not Erwin. She chose him to give her comfort. He was only a friend, but a friend that was allowed to get closer with her than a man that she was in a relationship with.

"Where's Erwin?" she asked, it was the first thing she said to him after she calmed down. It hurt. But he didn't show her that. Instead, he kept his usual, unbothered and stoic look that for some reason was keeping her at peace.

"He had to go. Work stuff" he explained and she nodded. Of course, he had to work. He was the commander, he couldn't abandon it just for her and she understood that. It would be unreasonable of her to demand him to be with her while she was the one that leaned to Levi. The truth was, she wasn't bothered about him leaving. She wasn't happy either. She was just...indifferent, accepting that Erwin had much more important things on his mind than whatever kind of bullshit she was pulling off. Bullshit that she was pulling for Levi only.

Ironically, she was feeding herself with those pills that put her into such a state, just for him, while he was the one that kept on holding her when she experienced side effects of taking them. But damn, having him sitting with her and looking at her felt worth it all. It didn't make sense, though. Why push yourself to such limits just to maintain a friendship? Old her would laugh at her for that and poke her on her head to show her how stupid it was. But she didn't care. Survey Corps' Sophie didn't care how much it takes to keep a friendship. He would do anything for him. Especially knowing how patiently he was taking all those months of her not talking with him and wishing him the worst. Drugging herself was the least she could do to make herself able to spend time with this angel of a man.

"Understand" she gathered enough courage to smile at him, but he didn't return it. He wasn't able to. Everything about this situation was worrying him.

"Sophie, what brought you to reaction like this?" he asked quietly. Her heart beat sped up due to anxiety as she didn't want to give him a direct answer.

"What are you talking about?" she decided to act as if she didn't know what he meant, which only irritated him and caused him to sigh impatiently.

"You screamed and froze in place. It wasn't normal. Don't try to fool me" he shook his head and now she was the one to sigh.

"I don't want to talk about this" she said cagily and he glared at her, his eyes hard to read. It took him a good few minutes to answer. She felt like a little girl, who was reprimanded just by his look. "At least not now" she added, hoping that it would help and indeed it did.

"Fine" he nodded finally, letting it go. "But I won't let you avoid that talk forever" he warned her and she nodded in response.

"I need to find Erwin now" she mumbled, feeling that she wouldn't be able to keep an eye contact with him anymore, his eyes were always making her mind feel naked, her thoughts exposed as if he was taking off the layers she put on herself - walls built for defence. He always seemed to know how to finagle them and read her. Sometimes it felt overwhelming, like now. She needed to leave this room and go to Erwin.

Levi didn't make her stay with him, even though he wanted to. If the choice belonged to him he would pull her right into his arms and urge her to be with him and don't give a damn about Erwin. He would make her forget about him and everything else in this world if she only let him. Alas, she didn't. So he didn't protest, humbly accepting her decision to chase after this unworthy man.