Silent Love, Silent Pain [Levi x OC]

37. Painful vision

Levi didn't agree with Erwin's words. He didn't believe that letting Sophie act freely in regard to her drinking was a good idea. He thought that Erwin was completely lunatic about it. Yet, she chose him. Didn't she? Maybe she wanted someone that wouldn't care about her health. He gritted his teeth just thinking about it. He couldn't understand her. There was no way he could. He would never let her get piss drunk. He would end up controlling that, making her mad at him. He didn't want that to happen. He didn't want her to think bad of him. What could he do?

Soon he came up with an answer to that burning question. He needed to distance himself from her. She clearly wanted Erwin. She clearly wanted to proceed with her drinking. Erwin was probably right that she wouldn't appreciate his criticism. That's how he convinced himself to interact with her less. Although deep down it was a different reason for taking this path. He was hurt. She hurt him with her choice. With keeping her feelings for Erwin a secret. He felt like nothing, so even though it hurt him to spend less time with her than he usually did, he had no doubt that it was the right decision. Right now he would be in even bigger pain seeing how she keeps on acting as if her being with Erwin was not a big deal. It was a huge fucking deal. He needed to distance himself from that, for even a week. It's not like she would notice considering how busy she probably was with Erwin now, he thought.

But Sophie noticed. She noticed how he chose Petra's company during that stupid party. She noticed how he kept on avoiding her the whole fucking month , always being busy. He never was that busy before to not spare her a moment to talk. She thought that he enjoyed their conversations as much as she did. Why was he acting like this? Was it because of her and Erwin? No, he told her that he'll try to understand her relationship. He even talked with Erwin during that party. It couldn't be it. At least that's what she kept on telling herself to not lose her shit completely. It would hurt too much. She couldn't stand the thought that she might be the reason for his sudden aloof behaviour. She promised herself that she wouldn't cause him pain ever again. She couldn't be the reason for that, for his sad eyes.

Was it because of Petra? That was a convenient reason. Maybe there was something going on between these two. Maybe she wasn't fond of the idea of him being close with her. It angered her. This whole situation, the lack of communication frustrated her, making her toss things in her room, creating a mess that Levi would disapprove of. Maybe she could hit him with her chair as well, breaking it to pieces and making them stick into his flesh.

No, she couldn't think like this. It was dangerous. Was she coming down from her pills again? Their effect didn't seem to be as strong as before. She reached for a bottle under her bed and took two pills. Fuck, probably too much. Yet, she didn't care. She didn't want to risk a situation where Levi would change his mind and visit her and she would attack him out of nowhere. She couldn't allow that to happen, she needed to eliminate any chance for that. Levi was far too precious to her. Her only friend, the only person she trusted completely.

She smirked, thinking about this. The only person. The only person that she was showering with such compliments, putting her trust in him entirely. She felt as if she should put such faith in Erwin instead, or at least try to think of Erwin like this. Maybe it would come with time as their relationship would progress. Maybe she was just overthinking stuff. It wasn't like she didn't trust him at all. No, she trusted Erwin. But it wasn't such trust as with Levi. Maybe it was just a matter of time spent together. She wanted to believe it.

Suddenly she felt how the pills that she took kicked in, blurring her vision and making her body limp. Luckily, she was close to her bed and sat on it only to lay down seconds after. She closed her eyes and smiled slightly. Even though her eyes were closed she felt as if she was seeing things that were running in front of her eyes at a fast pace. It was making her sick and she felt a need to vomit that she held back. When she thought of that feeling she smiled again. It was still a good effect. She wanted to enjoy it before it would morph into something worse that happened whenever she happened to take just a little too much than was needed.