Silent Love, Silent Pain [Levi x OC]

35. Permission 🔥

They rode back to Wall Rose in almost complete silence, that was broken only when they spotted a titan and had to fight it. Luckily, there weren't too many of them on their way. They chose to go through the same forest that they passed previously. It was a good place to use maneuvering equipment, they could hook themselves on trees instead of titans' bodies which was far safer.

"Those trees are really big" Sophie said, now she had enough time to look around and admire nature.

"It's a titan forest" Erwin said.

"Was it named like this before the fall of Wall Maria?" she asked.

"Yes, it's named like this because the trees are far taller than all of the titans"

"Well the name can be pretty misleading"

"That's true," he chuckled. "So you've never been here before the wall fell?"

"No" she shook her head and took a glimpse behind, they were now leaving the place and she wanted to burn that picture in her memory, a picture of a beautiful land. "It's a shame that we can't visit it freely anymore"

"It really is. If we could, I would take you there for a night" he grinned. "Nothing more romantic than camping on big tree branches"

She tensed a bit hearing him say that. Romantic, that's the word that he used. He wanted to take her somewhere romantic. He never expressed that wish before, at least not explicitly. Not even during their evening in the capital when they were kissing each other in the tavern's booths or rooms, smelling like liquor. No, he only did it now after she kissed him in the field, in the middle of nowhere when she was desperate to bring him back to his senses when he experienced a small breakdown. Was he drunk on the emotions? Speaking like this in a spur-of-the-moment? Or was it always there? Hiding deep inside him, just waiting for her to make a move? She didn't know and that was filling her with anxiety. There was one more reason for her being anxious and tense - Levi.

Levi. He saw them along with Mike. She didn't care about Mike for now, that was a problem that she and Erwin could deal with later. She and Erwin , she tensed even more thinking about it like that. There was no she and Erwin. No, she was alone. Erwin was alone. They were two individuals that just happened to...Exactly, happened to what? Share a passion for each other? Just shared a kiss? Lust? Or they shared mutual feelings? Deep feelings? Was it possible? She and Erwin... maybe she should get used to thinking about it like this. Maybe there was nothing wrong about thinking like this. At least that's what she wanted to believe. But Levi was making it hard for her.

Levi. Why was she thinking about him right now? Why did her thoughts seem to be divided between him and Erwin, making her mind fight for one of them to take control over her brain, making it focus on only one of them? It was so difficult. Was it because she was afraid of his reaction? Was she seeking his approval? She had a feeling that she wouldn't get one. Not with Erwin at least, not with a man that convinced them to join the Survey Corps. Not the man that he loathed.

Sophie's eyes focused on him and she urged her horse to speed up in order to get closer to him. She had to talk with him. In those three years they didn't have many secrets from one another. She didn't want him to think that she hid her relationship with Erwin on purpose. But she did it on purpose, didn't she? If she didn't want to keep it a secret she would have told him after the first time she kissed Erwin in that damned capital. But she didn't. She chose to stay quiet about it and now she will have to get through a really awkward conversation with Levi. Levi who was always there for her.

But when he took a glimpse behind and saw that she was getting closer to him, shortening the distance, he urged his horse to speed up as well which caught her off guard. Was it possible that Levi, her friend, her rock, the man that stuck with her through the worst was avoiding her, consciously deciding to get away from her? Oh, it hurt. But she deserved it. She kept it a secret and now he was hurt that she didn't trust him enough to share this part of her life with him. She deserved his anger.