Cold All the Way Through, But Warming

A Trip

I shoved my face into my hands, my fingers pulling on my hair. The pain would distract me, it had to, there had to be something to distract me from what my life had become. From the horrors that my mind conjured. I turned to the desk, a flurry of papers spread across it. I pulled the silver inkstand over, dipping my pen in and getting down to business. I could focus on this, I had to get this signed. New client, new client, a ship needed a crane repaired, new cargo, a letter promising a threefold return on my investment if I acted soon. I tore that one in half, bending back to the contracts. I hardly looked up when I heard the door open, the footman was waiting below and he knew who to let up.

I was expecting Mr. Keller, but instead I saw Mother, pale and black as she walked over and placed her parasol across the desk. "You have been overworking yourself." She said it as a statement, not a question, and I was not going to debate her on that.

I tried to tug a piece of paper from beneath the black silk parasol, but she held it tightly against the desk. "Mother please, these need to be approved by Wednesday and I haven't finished half of them." She had left the dock house after the first week, when it had been apparent that I was keeping myself to the rules she had laid down. I hadn't seen her for weeks. She looked better than I did, her face had color to it and considering how I was struggling to remove the paper, her strength had returned.

"Have you gotten anything from him?"

My heart dropped to my stomach, and my shoulders slumped. I didn't need to ask who she meant. "Only one letter, and nothing after I told him about the attack."

"Does that bother you?"

"How could it not?" I let my pen drop, the ink spattering across a contract before I returned it to the inkstand. "He must think me a harlot, I've sent telegrams begging him to write and nothing has come."

"So you bury yourself in work to avoid your thoughts." She sat on the desk, her fingers finding my chin and forcing me to look up. "My dear girl, your father left this company to both of us. And you will work yourself into a grave if you do not stop."

"What do I have without the work? I don't have a single thing beyond it. I have no callers, the papers have been circling since Zachary's outburst for a single sign of indecency so I have given them nothing by doing nothing. There is nothing beyond the business."

"Which is why I have arranged for you to sail tomorrow with the Western Star. Abraham has agreed to provide a cabin, Ezekiel has been ordered to be by your side during the voyage and to see you to a hotel in Southampton. You will find your man, settle things with him, and return."

I could hardly believe it. "Mother, but there's so much to be done."

"Peggy has already packed a trunk and sent it to the ship. I will handle everything while you are gone." I felt her press her lips to my forehead. "I do have some experience in that, you know."

"Oh Mother," I wrapped her in my arms. A chance to get away, to do something, a chance to see Will. I took in a choked breath, "What if he doesn't want me anymore?"

"Then he is a fool and you don't deserve him." She embraced me tightly, "You are priceless my dear, even with what has happened, and if he cannot see that then he does not deserve you." She stepped back, looking at my eyes. "Now, we are going home and you are going to rest. That's an order." She bustled me downstairs, collecting the footman and soon the carriage was rattling on the short trip back to the house. It seemed I was the only one shocked by this sudden trip, the servants seemed to already be aware of all the particulars, and as I hauled out a valise and carpetbag to pack I still found myself confused. If Peggy had packed my clothes, then what else would I need? I would need books, and my wallet, and, oh it seemed endless.