Holding On | Bucky Barnes

29 | Saturday, January 29th

I roll onto my stomach and try to force myself back to sleep.

Sunlight leaks in through the curtains, and while I know I slept, it doesn't feel like enough. I turn my head and notice Bucky isn't in bed. After a moment I hear the shower running, and let out a breath, sitting up and letting my mind run over everything that happened yesterday. Really, everything that's happened the last month and a half.

All the lies and manipulation.

Everything Ness planned.

Thinking about how much she really influenced my life makes my head spin.

Was she lying about what she did and just trying to get into my head?

Or did she actually plan everything out so meticulously.

And all of that, everything they've done the last five months, was to get me back?

A shiver runs down my spine at how close they were to succeeding.

It's over.

But is it?

Did they send my DNA to other labs along with my eggs?

Did they fertilize them?

Is Holden the last of Hydra?

Will it ever be over?

There are just so many questions still.

I run my hands through my hair and tuck my chin to my chest.

Breathe.

They're going to question them.

Wanda will be able to figure it out.

And if not...

Then you take it one step at a time.

"Doll?"

I look up and Bucky stands in the bathroom doorway, hair wet with a pair of grey sweatpants around his hips and a towel in hand.

"Morning babe," I smile a bit, letting the roots of my hair go.

"You okay?"

"Mhmm... My mind's just racing."

"What are you thinking?"

"Just that there's so much I don't know or understand... What happened yesterday... Even though we have Holden, I don't feel better. I thought once we found him everything would fall back into place and be normal, but there's still so much unknown."

He nods and comes to sit on the bed across from me. "It got more complicated with Ness... But the important thing is that she and Holden can't hurt you again."

"I know... It just feels like it's never going to be over. Like when everything calms and I let my guard down, it'll just be a cruel joke, and it's going to happen again..."

"You're probably sick of hearing it, but it's truer now than it was before; it's going to take time to heal. And it's going to be scary. But one day, you're going to wake up and not think about any of this. But it's going to take time."

"That's exhausting," I say honestly. "I'm exhausted. I want to live my life without being afraid of hurting someone, or someone coming after me... I miss my life before all of this," I whisper.

Bucky nods, a solemn look on his face. "I get it. And... I get it if you want to go back to that life," he says quietly.

"How could I not?" I ask, looking down to where my fingers play with the sheet. "Ever since I got here, it's one thing after another... I miss simplicity... normalcy."