"The suit works great," I explain, spinning my ring around my finger in my pocket. "Tony figured out that my nano-tailors work as a stabilizer as well as repair bots, so he's pretty happy with this first mark."
"That's great, Y/N. What's your next project with him?" Dr. Renner asks as we pass a large tree.
We chatted a little inside but decided to take a walk in the park because the weather is nice. He also knows how much I hate sitting in that office and being told to spill my guts.
"I'm not sure. Probably updating the rest of the team's suits. Maybe some weapons. Haven't really thought about it."
"I'll leave the weapons out of the notes when I talk with the WSC," he chuckles.
"Oh, yah, that might be a good idea," I smile.
"How is everything else going?"
"I mean good, I think. I feel like I'm getting back to my old self... Like before my parents died. It's been nice to have a schedule again, and do more than watch movies or scroll through social media."
"And you're not finding it to be too much?"
I shake my head. "Oh no, definitely not. I need to fill my time."
"But remember you need downtime as well. You need periods where you aren't thinking about the next thing on your schedule," he says as we pass a waddling child bundled in a thick jacket and scarf with his mitted hand in his father's.
I bring my attention back to the conversation. "I know. I have that. I'm not in the city every day. Besides, the yoga and art classes are those moments of quiet for me... Where I'm doing something, but it doesn't feel like work. My mind is quiet."
"Is your mind quiet when you're not doing those activities?"
I pause a moment before opening my mouth. "Sometimes."
"And when it's not, what do you do?"
Distract myself.
"I recognize my feelings, validate them, then let them go," I repeat his method back to him.
"And is it working?"
No.
"I think so. Sometimes I'll do those mindfulness exercises you suggested. I got an app for it actually."
Lies.
"That's good. It's okay if it's too much sometimes. But try your best to not push those feelings down. There are going to be days that completely suck, and those waves are gonna be rough, but you're slowly going to learn how to swim through them. And each time, you'll have a little more experience, and it will get a little easier."
Poetic.
"Okay," I nod.
It is good advice, but none of it has gotten easier yet.
"And how are the classes going? What art piece are you working on now?" he asks, voice a little lighter now.
"They're going alright. I just started a new painting; I'm trying oil paints for the first time, so we'll see how that goes," I chuckle. "And I actually met someone in my yoga class."
"Oh yah?"
"Mhmm. She knows who I am. The whole Hybrid thing... But she seems really nice. It's kind of nice to talk to someone who knows who I am, but that isn't part of the whole Avengers thing."
"That's really great, are you planning on hanging out outside of yoga?"
"Yah, we're grabbing coffee after class Tuesday," I nod.
YOU ARE READING
Holding On | Bucky Barnes
FanfictionIt's been two months since Y/N returned to the Compound, but despite her best efforts, she can't seem to escape her trauma. Nightmares haunt her at night, while memories stalk her during the day; a never-ending cycle that she hopes she can smile her...
