Holding On | Bucky Barnes

24 | Friday, January 28th

I sit down on the couch in front of the tv, resting my coffee on my knees and looking over to the windows.

Eventually, I bring the mug to my lips but pause, cringing at its coolness.

Oh well.

I lean forward and place it on the coffee table before pulling a pillow into my arms, watching as the snow falls in the distance.

I wonder if the lake froze over again.

"Y/N?"

I look to my left and Steve sits on the armchair, watching me with worried eyes.

"Yah?"

"Are you okay? You... you've been over here for a while... Just watching the window."

"Oh, yah, I'm fine. Just zoning out," I shrug.

"Bucky said he found you in your room last night... were you able to sleep?"

"No," I say simply.

"What kept you up?"

"Everything."

"I'm sorry about last night... Tony shouldn't have called you. The things Demarcus said..." he lets out a breath. "Were you okay last night?"

"Mhmm."

Steve sighs, leaning back in the chair. "Maybe you should try to sleep."

"It's fine."

"Y/N, you didn't sleep last night."

"It's fine. I don't usually sleep."

He lets out a shaky breath. "Can I get you anything?"

"No. Thanks," I add.

"Okay... Just... Just call me if you need something, okay?"

"Mhmm."

He hesitantly stands up and my eyes follow him as he heads to the kitchen.

I focus back on the window, letting my mind move away from Steve and his worry. The snow stops after a while, and the clouds part to let the sun shine down.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out blindly. "Hello?"

"Hey, how are you?" Ness asks over the sounds of traffic.

"Fine. How are you?"

"I'm okay... I heard about what happened last night... Sam and Steve said some stuff went down during the mission and... are you okay?"

"It's fine. It wasn't anything new."

"They also said something happened yesterday... With Fury..."

"I set those boundaries... But I took it too far. Anyways, I realized he's right."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't just leave them when they need me. I need to help them. I was being selfish."

"No, you need time to figure stuff out... Maybe I should come over. They said they're probably going back out soon, and I don't think you should be alone. I can get someone to cover the rest of my—"

"No. Don't come over. I'm going with them."

"Y/N, they can handle it themselves. You need to stay home, you could get hurt."

"I'm not leaving my team. It doesn't matter if I get hurt."

"Yes, it does, Y/N, don't say that. You need to..."

I hear shuffling and feel a familiar tether behind me.

I turn and see Bucky walking over from the kitchen, a mug of coffee in his hand.