Animal

38

HOPE DE GUZMAN

Nang mapagod na si Casper ay inuwi na rin namin siya. Nagtext na rin kay Seungcheol ang mama nito na uuwi na rin daw ang papa niya.

Hinintay naming makauwi ang papa ni Casper bago pumasok sa bahay niya. "I talked to my uncle a while ago, he told me na palipat-lipat ng location ang phone na hawak ng kapatid mo,"

He proceeds to walk upstairs. Due to curiosity, sinundan ko siya. "Tapos? Ano pang ibang sinabi ng tito mo?"

"'Yon lang, mukhang nagtatago siya," he pouted as he shrug.

"May sinend siyang mail sa'kin, we can check it if you want," he looked at me, I nodded.

"Gusto ko," I told him. He chuckled and grab my wrist.

"Me too, gusto kita," he bit his lower lip para lang pigilan ang sarili niyang ngumiti sa sarili niyang banat.

I just hissed and push his back for him to continue walking inside his room. Binuksan niya ang kaniyang personal computer, he pulled me close for me to sit on his chair. Hindi nalang ako tumanggi, tutal ay pagod na rin naman ako at importante ang ipapakita niya sa'kin.

He continued to operate the computer while standing beside me. Sinusundan ko ang bawat galaw ng kamay niya, he's indeed a gamer, napakabilis ng daliri niyang gumalaw pagdating sa keyboard.

As if there's nothing private on his personal computer, he shamelessly revealed some files in it. I got goosebumps when almost all of the contents are related to me. I looked upon him with a glare.

He looked at me, his eyes looked so defensive even though he's not even defending himself now, "What? Printscreens at saka recordings lang 'yan ng video calls natin, I tend to keep every moment I spend online with you,"

Naalala kong madalas akong mag-open ng camera para mafeel kong may kasama ako sa loob ng kwarto. Pinagbigyan ko siyang mag-ooff ng camera noon, I never thought na nirerecord niya pala!

"Bakit mo pa pinakita sa'kin?" tanong ko kay Seungcheol.

"Kasi ang cute mo," He crouched down and leveled himself to me. I gulped and just looked at the screen monitor.

"Babe, you're not alone," he suddenly told me.

I just crossed my arms and pretend that he doesn't bother me, "Oo kasi may stalker akong baliw," I muttered.

He chuckled, "Tumatapang ka na ah,"

Naiirita kong kinamot ang buhok ko, ayan na naman siya. "Pakibilisan mo nalang,"

He just pouted and proceed to his email. Agad niyang clinick ang file na sinend sa kaniya ng tito niya. I saw every locations na napuntahan ni Faith.

"Bumalik siya sa bahay niyo oh," he pointed our address. Napatingin ako sa kaniya sandali no'n, hindi ko alam na kabisado niya pati ang address namin.

Pero totoo, bumalik siya sa bahay, she even went on my campus. I bet she's just fucking around, as what Seungcheol told me.

Napasapok nalang ako sa noo ko. I might be worrying for nothing.

"So, what now?" he suddenly asked me. I didn't realize that I had spaced out for a while but as an observer like Seungcheol, he would notice even a small move from me.

"Choi Seungcheol, puwede bang uminom dito?" all of a sudden, I asked him.

"Umiinom ka?" he asked.

I shrugged my shoulders, "Never mind, ako nalang sa bahay. Uuwi na ako," Tumayo ako mula sa upuan niya at nagpagpag ng hita.

He stopped me from walking out of his room. "Bahay mo na 'to, dito ka uminom. Sali ako," he told me.

I am so stressed out, kahit na pagala-gala lang pala si Faith, hindi ko maipaliwanag ang nararamdaman ko. Why do I still feel anxious inside? Baka kulang lang ako sa kain. "I got what you need," he smirked before heading downstairs. Sumunod ako sa kaniya.

At totoo nga, may stock siya ng alak sa ref niya. I just sighed and sat on the chair. Gumawa rin siya ng pagkain na pwede naming gawin pulutan.

Totoo ba 'to? Niyaya ko ng inuman ang isang siraulo. Paano kung maisipan niyang patayin ako dahil nalasing ko siya? We started to drink. I just stayed silent, not bothering if he can't stop staring at my face as if he wanted to attack me anytime. 

"What's on your mind?"

That question made me gain back my senses. Nakatulala na naman ako. I sighed, "Hindi ko alam, ang daming tumatakbo sa isip ko ngayon,"

"Tell me each of them. We have a night to spend and I am willing to listen,"

I just looked down after having a shot. I felt my tears streaming, unable to tell him the exact thing I feel. I am not sure, but I know what I feel right now is loneliness. 

Kahit na may kasama ako, ramdam ko pa rin ang pag-iisa. Natatakot akong mag-isa.

Siguro dala na rin ng alak, naging emosyonal ako, ni hindi ko nagawang itago ang nararamdaman ko sa lalaking minsan nang dumurog sa'kin.

Bakit siya parati ang nakakakita ng luha ko? Nagkakaroon siya ng dahilan para magstay kung palagi ko nalang ipapakita ang pinakamahina kong side sa kaniya.

I'm scared of him, but I have to admit that he's the only person I could lean on, because he's the only one available for me!

He forced it to be like that. I can't search for comfort from others dahil gusto niyang sa kaniya ko lang ibuhos ang lahat ng sama ng loob ko.

"You're an animal, right? How do you deal with sadness?" I looked at him, wiping my tears off my face.

He thought hard, "I have never been sad. All I feel is anger or satisfaction, nothing else,"

"Hindi ka nalulungkot na hindi kita kayang mahalin?" umayos ako ng upo't hinintay siyang sumagot.

"Galit ang nararamdaman ko tuwing pinipilit mo ang gusto mo. Satisfaction naman kapag napapasunod kita sa gusto ko," he smirked at me.

I scoffed, "Wala ka ngang pakiramdam," I muttered. Pride lang ang mayroon si Choi Seungcheol.

"I can make you feel numb too, gusto mo bang gawin natin ang coping mechanism ko?"

Bakit pa siya nagco-coping mechanism eh hindi naman siya nalulungkot?

Iinom pa sana ako nang ilayo niya sa akin ang baso. His action asks me to stare back at him so I did. I met his intimidating eyes, his gaze went down on my lips, I gulped. But, would it be wrong if I will try his so-called coping mechanism?

"It's over now, right?" he asked.

"You're not alone, remember that," Seungcheol smiled at me, popping out his dimples.

"I'm always here for you even if you don't want my presence," he chuckled.

His lips went closer to mine, he kissed my lips. And due to the effect of alcohol, I just found myself kissing him back. Bahala na, ibibigay ko nalang sa kaniya lahat ng firsts ko.

Maybe I have to know his type of coping mechanism too.

I caressed his thick thighs, he immediately reacted. Madali lang talagang matukso si Seungcheol. I remembered the time that I fooled him, just because I want to escape so I acted like I want his body for real.

I did that to escape for real. Now I will try to escape again, to escape the cruel reality.

I won't fool him this time, I will make him take advantage of me as I make use of the effect of alcohol inside me.

He held my nape to deepen the kiss, he couldn't get enough, he carried me and went inside his room again. I know I'm not the only one drunk between us two. He's intoxicated but he managed to arrive safely.

He threw me in bed and kissed me again while placing himself on my top.

He's enjoying it due to the fact that it's my first time kissing him back. I made him enjoy my company more by aggressively grabbing his nape for him to lean closer. He was stunned for a while, but I hit his chest for him to continue.

He proceeds to unbutton my uniform.