shivers down my spine

Chapter 23

" what? Whyy?? Are you going to return? " I am so upset now.

" unfortunately, yes. I came back to say a proper goodbye." he lowers down his head.

" Came back to say goodbye? Are you listening to yourself right now?? That's some literal nonsense, Jason. " I take back my hands from his.

" I know, love. Calm- "

" DON'T call me that if you are leaving now. " I yell at his madness. He stays silent.

" how much time do you have? "

" untill 12 o clock. "

" huh... Are you Cinderella? " I say sarcastically.

" I know you are angry right now bu-"

" angry?? I am not angry, Jason. I'm disappointed in you. You never call. You never text. You never say a proper goodbye. You just said ' bye guys, catch you on a rebound' and then you disappeared. So, How do you expect me to react, Jason?" I lash out on him and spill what I feel.

" I'm sorry about that, Allison but let me explain what happe- " he tries to sort out everything but the situations have got out of hands.

" if you are going to leave.. Then leave. Do not bother yourself to explain anything to me." I try not to sound rude.

" I... If you would let me explain... " he rattles.

I take a deep breath and hold my tears in and say " okay then.... I guess... This has to end this way now. I don't want to live onto an expectation that you would leave now and come back AGAIN. I do not have audacity to wait for you anymore."

" um... Okay then... Allison... Its.. 12 o clock... I s-should.. G- ehem. I should go now." his voice cracks alot. I don't dare to look into his eyes as I am scared I would burst into tears and make the situation even worse.

He looks at me once more and leaves. Again. I fall down in stress, crying my heart out that... Its over.

Seeing me on the ground, my friends rush over on me with worries. I cry in Kelly's arms as I trust her more than anyone right now. They ask me what is that made me cry but I was unable to utter a word. They console and take me home. Mom and dad would be worried, so I head to Kelly's place to stay for the night.

Kelly gives me a dress to change in and I get changed. We get on bed and sit together to speak.

" do you want to speak, babe?" (we always speak this way) she speaks up with concern.

" um... Yes." I take a deep breath and say

" does he even love me? Did he ever even loved me? If yes.. Why leave me like this hanging in the middle. All the time. If he doesn't.. Then why kiss me that day? Why did he pretended to love me? Why did he endure his pain when his brother got stabbed bcuz of me? Ugh I have so many questions but.."

" I guess we'll never get an answer to those questions as he left. They say love returns... Pfft. Load of crap. Why would it leave in the fist place-e" she stops with a weird expression and says

"Allison.... There must be a reason for his behaviour.. He was never like this." her expressions a bit serious.

I give it a thought and remember that I didnt let him explain himself.... Maybe I should've given him a chance to explain...

*****

I wake up with huge swollen eyes due to my grief last night. Kelly keeps consoling me saying " be strong"

I try hard not to tear out my eyes everyday. I try to stay calm. I try to not make decisions that would lead to regret later. I try to forget you. I try to be more mature.

"I try to find a reason to smile as no one can make me like you did."

- the author