Way Down We Go |Dr. House|

Part 20

I woke up to the loud whistling sound of my alarm. I tried to somehow get out of bed and walk up to my alarm to turn it off. I barely opened my eyes as I looked around my room, trying to decipher where I was and who I was. I finally came to my senses after a few seconds and a headache came in from that annoying sound that pierces my ears every day, every morning. My alarm is not next to my bed like any normal person, no, mine is on my makeup table away from my bed because I had a habit of just turning off my alarm and falling asleep because it stood close to me. 

This is how I make myself get up to turn it off and go straight to the toilet.

So this morning, I got up and walked to the clock and turned it off, I sighed from the frustration and fatigue that gripped my body, I put my face in my hands and rubbed and stretched them to my hair and pulled it back. Then I went to the toilet and looked at the reflection in my mirror, I was a little scared of the person who was looking back at me frantically.

My mascara and eyeliner smeared around my eyes so much that they looked like two bruises, there was no lipstick at all, the powder came off everywhere except my forehead and neck, and my hair was fuzzy and tied in a lower bun. 

I immediately reached for the tap and turned it towards the warm-hot water temperature. I took off my pajamas and underwear and threw them on the bed and put my panties in the laundry basket. I went into the shower and immediately felt the water under my feet. The feeling was as good as ever and an even better one followed after, and that was when the water from the shower landed on my naked body. The temperature of the water warmed and relaxed me at the same time as I washed away all the negative emotions I had been feeling since last night. I couldn't believe what I saw and I definitely didn't expect it.

I thought things were getting a little better, that we were going somewhere with our feelings and that there might be something of us but the situation was completely reversed. I felt my heart break into a million pieces when I saw that scene in front of me, when I saw her lips on his, her hands on his body forcing him to her office to do an obvious but again for me painful thing. The thing he and I shared, the thing that meant a lot to me. Tears streamed down my cheeks, hot and painful as if full of poison, my blood boiled with anger and betrayal that I felt at that moment, which I still feel and which still hurts me.

When I first saw him, knowing all the information I know even now, I was so sorry for him. I was in pain as I watched him take 2-3 Vicotins at a time and swallow them without water and without any effort as if he was taking candies and not toxic pills that relieve his pain to some extent. That scene contributed to me some very bad memories as well as a bad feeling in my stomach, a small voice inside me yelling, telling me to help him, so I tried it. I tried to be there for him, to change him, take away his pain, and relieve him as much as I could. 

That every look of mine took his breath away, every touch of mine sent tingles through his body and automatically alleviates that physical pain that tormented him so much, that every kiss of mine diverts his attention and thoughts from the negative and bad things he has to go through every day. I wanted to be his Vicodin, for him to be obsessed with me, to want him to consume me whenever it was hard for him just as I had become addicted to him. Every time I was away from him everything hurt. My thoughts were preoccupied with dreams of him and us every second of every day. I wanted to tell and show him so much, to prove to him that I am worthy of his love and that I want it a lot. 

Every lie of his was the greatest truth, every touch of his burned my skin with the best possible consequences, everything about him fascinated me to the point where I didn't know if I was in a fairy tale, in my dreams, or in a world where it's all real, I lived in my bubble until reality did me last night and broke me.