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82- Sirius Black

I don't know what possessed me to think it was a good idea to call him, but I wasn't really thinking and before I knew it, Remus was sending an owl down to Grimmauld Palace because apparently Sirius had moved back there again.

And then there was a knock on the door and the doorbell rang and it all happened so fast and before I could even process it, there he stood.

Cheekbones high and chiseled, black eyes shifting around anxiously, black hair tousled with curls that fell naturally in such a beautifully placed position. He never even had to try to look good, he was so naturally stunning, his beauty was one that would shock others, make people envy him. His mother had named him correctly, the only thing she had probably ever did right which was funny.
He truly was one of a kind.
I had never met a person quite like Sirius Black.

True to his name, he was the brightest star in the sky.

And I hated how I still believed it.
Still believed how special he was.
Because I did still love him, not like Remus of course but love nonetheless.

So who's going to speak first then?
Me or you?

Both of us stood our ground, heads held high, pride oozing out of us though it was silly in retrospect because he had turned up and well I had asked for him, so what was the point of keeping pride?

Still nobody spoke.

"Come in then what you standing out there for?" Remus spoke finally, knowing this would never end if he didn't intervene.

Finally he moved, I gave him space to come in and I hated how much I missed him even though so much of me still hated him for the way we ended things. I missed him so much that it hurt. He felt rigid and stiff, nothing like what I was used to, but then again maybe I was stiff myself.

"Do you mind if you could leave us alone for a while." I whispered to Remus, though I didn't miss the way he looked at us in the distance, no doubt suspicious as to what we were saying, and I didn't miss the look of betrayal in his eyes either.

"You'll kill each other if I'm not here." He whispered back.

Can't promise that I won't.

"We've got to have this conversation in private."

He didn't seem too happy to leave but what choice did he have? I was practically forcing him out of the door. There were a million reasons I didn't want Remus here to witness this.

He would try and act as an umpire, he would try to get us to be civil if things got out of hand but more than that I did not want to put him in the middle because that was entirely unfair. Also, there were things I needed to say to Sirius without him there. Things I didn't fancy him knowing, I didn't want him to see that different side of me because in my heart, it was reserved for Sirius.

Some things were just between us.

"I'll come back. I mean.. if that's what you want of course."

I nodded and he slowly walked to the door, giving one last look to Sirius before he closed the door behind him.

"Does it still hurt?"

"Did you mean what you said?"

We both spoke at the same time finally after what felt like ages of awkward silence and he looked taken aback as I let out a shaky breath.

"Do you think I'd lie?"

Yes.

Maybe.

Out of guilt and to ease my mind before I died.

Yes because you wouldn't have said the things you said if you didn't mean them because you are anything but a liar.