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41- The Beginning of the End

'I don't want your death on my conscience.'

Well his death was on mine now. Just like Dumbledore's. If I had just stopped being a coward and faced it, he would still have been alive.

But I was selfish, even then I was still selfish.
Because even though I should have been grieving the death of my Professor who I had known for years, my initial thought was what it meant for me.

Always me.
Selfish, I was.

If Snape's dead, then the Dark Lord must think he owns the wand. You have it.
He doesn't have the wand so his next step is to find it.

He's going to find you.
He's going to have everyone out looking for you, and when he finds you, that's it.
You're done for.

This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

Draco was supposed to kill Dumbledore and then the Dark Lord was going to kill Draco.

That was it.
That was the plan.
I went and messed it up.

I made it complicated and in turn, Snape lost his life.

'I don't want your death on my conscience.'
He had said, that day that he had walked in on me and Remus and I had begged him not to inform my parents.

My death wasn't on his conscience, instead his was on mine.

"Hey, just breathe love, just breathe."

This wasn't how it was supposed to go.
I was going to die, but not like this.
Not at his hands.
No.

I was meant to die alone, hidden away, so that Harry would have more time. So that they would be at least a chance for people like you, people like you and people like Hermione and people like Remus.
A chance.
And now the world was going to burn.

"Hey come on. Calm down."

We were in another flat, it seemed like we had been in a million of them the past month.
I don't know how we got there, how he had found one and how he managed to afford it.
One minute I was at a pub with Theo, the next I was in a taxi and then I was in a flat, sat on the sofa damn near hyperventilating as Kieran kneeled down in front of me, grasping my hands in his.

I forced myself to look at him and willed myself to calm down.

"This wasn't how it was supposed to go Kieran."

"Wasn't how what was supposed to go?"

I groaned and squeezed my eyes shut, it wasn't his fault that he didn't understand, but it was frustrating me.

"None of this, it wasn't how it was supposed to go, he's dead, he's dead and it's because of me, and now.. people like Mione.. .. people like you and people like Remus, you're gonna die too and it's gonna be my fault."

I was manic and he searched my eyes trying to figure out what I was on about, I wasn't making sense to him and his eyes filled with concern, his expression sympathetic.

"Nothing's gonna happen, breathe, calm down."

"We need to go."

"Go where?"

'Don't come back.'

"We need to go. We need to go now." I said hurriedly and he got up and watched me frantically pace around.

"Where? Just.. sit down."

"No. We need to go, we need to go back to Hogwarts. I need to see him."