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𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓃𝓃𝒾𝓉𝓎 𝒩𝑜𝑒𝓁 𝐻𝒾𝒸𝓀𝓈 |𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓃|
LOVE...
When I think of the word "love" I like to imagine what I think it would feel like.
I think it's supposed to be sweet , uplifting , and passionate
It's supposed to make you feel like you're the most valuable thing that has walked on this earth. It's not supposed to make you feel bad about yourself.
The only thing that I was taught about love is that it hurts. It hurts so bad to the point where you want it stop.
Can you guess who taught me that?
Lashawn
- I met him when I was only fifteen years old , but he was eighteen
He made me feel like I was his everything , I was young and naive so I thought he LOVED me
Before I met him , I was quiet and smart. I had never got into any trouble, I was straight A- student , and most of all I was innocent.
Lashawn completely turned my life upside down. He was a senior , I was only a freshman.
I heard about those Senior-Freshman stories , but I was always like that would never be me. Until it did.
After about four months of us dating , he started to get really verbally abusive towards me. He would call me out of my name , and say that I would never amount to anything.
Then after he said all of that , he would end it with "I didn't mean that , I love you"
I fell for it every time
I began to rebel , and I started getting in trouble with my mama and at school.
After some time , my mama completely burned her bridges with me.
I don't blame her
- Later on down the line I was seventeen and he was twenty
On my birthday September 2, 2020 , we got into a really bad argument while I was at school.
He offered to pick me up after school to "make things right"
Of course I believed him , I lied and told my mama that I was staying for dance tryouts
That was the worst mistake I had ever made
That was also the last time my family and friends would hear from me
That was exactly a year ago
At first I was listed as a runaway , because I had ran away from home before
After a while I was changed to a missing person
My mama knew that I would always return home later on in the day , but after months went by with no sign of me she knew something was wrong.
Lashawn made me watch my mama everyday on the news crying and pleading for me to come back
I was BROKEN
I knew this was my karma though , I had no business being with him and I knew it. For god sakes he was an adult.
I'm now eighteen , and he's twenty-one.
Seems like as I got older the worst he would be towards me
He beat me everyday for a year straight , I started to feel ugly and worthless
It had gotten so bad to the point where I use to go to him waiting for him to hit me.
It was a normal thing for me
I don't remember what it's like to be outside , socialize , or anything like that
I was just knew the feeling of being by myself , looking at the same walls everyday
Seemed like I was a slave to him or something
I had nothing left, he took everything from me. My life, my heart, and my virginity the one thing that I valued the most about myself
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