Impact

Chapter Twenty-Four

Nate had all but lost track of time as he and Scott continued seeing one another, more and more regularly. Before he knew it, Fall had made its debut and the leaves around his mother's home were changing colors and leaping from their branches. Over the last couple of months, Scott had been a patient man and was there through most of Nate's battle to recover from his last relationship gone horribly wrong. There were many good dates, good evenings spent inside and even a couple of trips to visit Scott's ranch in Kentucky. Nate was content. 

But....was he really satisfied?

The truth was, he wasn't entirely sure. He liked Scott, a lot. They seemed to click well. Scott's background was more similar to his own than Nate would like to admit. Being gay wasn't exactly atypical of a ranching rodeo cowboy, but Scott loved doing what he did and he didn't deny who he was. His family was surprisingly accepting,  but he didn't shout his sexuality from the rooftops. He wasn't ashamed and didn't hide it. But he was just fine as he was and didn't need to announce it to the world. 

He had really tried to put Tommy out of his mind and for a while he thought that it was working, but the fact of the matter was, he still wasn't adjusting well to it all. For all intents and purposes, life had ripped away everything from him when it decided to take Tommy's memory. His hopes. His dreams. His future. All of it destroyed by a man whose alcoholism and homophobia was paramount to loving his own child. 

Nate hated Tommy's father, where ever the deadbeat was. 

Scott would be by soon to pick him up. They were going to a Fall festival at the state park. There would be carnival rides and games, food vendors, pumpkin pie eating contests, stuffed animal prizes and more children than a busy afternoon daycare. Nate was happy to be going to the festival and he was even happy that he was going with Scott. But, as he sat on his bed flipping blithely through one of his graphic novels, he knew that it wasn't more than anything past a good friendship. He sighed heavily as he tossed the novel on his night stand. He hated this part; the inevitable end to a relationship that wasn't meant to be. He didn't want to hurt Scott. But he knew it couldn't go on this way. 

And it hurt him too. 

Nate stood and went to the closet to get his shoes. He tied them as he pondered what he would say and he wondered if he should talk to him before they got there. Would he be using Scott if he continued with tonight? He was thinking that maybe they could enjoy a good time before he had to drop the bomb but maybe it wasn't the best course. If he was going to break Scott's heart, then he had better just do it. Dragging it out would just be twisting of the knife. 

Scott pulled up to the house 10 minutes later and Nate was hesitant as he saw the pickup stop. He watched from the living room window as Scott got out and walked up the path to the entrance he was looking good in a t-shirt, dark blue Wranglers and a pair of brown cowboy boots. He was grinning as he approached the door and Nate opened it before Scott could knock, the cowboys closed fist still in the air. 

"Hey." Scott said as he moved forward and pulled Nate into a hug. 

"Hi." Nate replied, returning the hug with little vigor. 

"You ready to go? If we get down there fast would could get a good parking spot." Scott said as they separated. 

"Yeah. Yeah we could do that." 

"Or we could do something else." Scott said with a half smile. 

There was a silence between them that hung in the air like lead balloon. Nate was all too aware that Scott could feel it too and it was then that his stomach began to tie itself in knots. 

"What's wrong?" Scott finally asked. 

"Maybe you should come in for a minute." Nate replied, taking a big breath.