𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔇𝔢𝔪𝔬𝔫'𝔰 𝔇𝔬𝔩𝔩

Part 31.B

"i can't explain where

all my love for you

came from

it's as if we once

raised a child

baby fingers gripping pinkies

or died together on

a bed of dandelions

it's as if i were the moon

and you were the sun

always convincing each other

that the next day was worth rising for

and when i was too caught

up in being the ocean you

never forgot to remind me

what your earth felt like

i don't know if we'll finally

collide in this century

but i am certain i have

loved you in more than

a thousand different lifetimes"

- Michaela Angemeer

Fyodor rose with the sun, accustomed to not sleeping much. The best part about waking up was constantly finding Kate in his arms. It had been some time since they first confessed their love and had sex, and Kate hadn't returned to her room since then. Every night they slept beside each other, legs tangled together. Fyodor had never known happiness like this, it seemed like his life was in black and white until he met Kate, she had been the one to show him colour, something he was eternally grateful for.

When Fyodor woke up before Kate, he usually couldn't help but watch her to pass the time, like a puppy waiting for its owner to wake up. It seemed impossible that this woman loved him, she chose him and nobody else. He was lucky, he knew this. Kate Chopin could have belonged to anyone else and she would have made it work no matter what. Fyodor was the one to sweep her up before anyone else had the chance to take advantage of her. Their love was safe with one another; Kate would never choose anyone over him and he didn't need anyone else other than her.

Love was something he knew he couldn't understand. And thus, he had gone his life without it, not accepting the love of others nor giving his own love. He thought he didn't understand it, but, rather, his view was quite twisted. He held a special fondness for those in his life but he could never know if it were love. He enjoyed her company, perhaps more than he enjoyed Ivan's, but that didn't mean it was love. No, how could he know what it was and what it wasn't? Maybe he didn't want to love her, because loving her meant he was merely human. Loving her meant he opened up the possibility of getting hurt, she made him vulnerable. No, he would feel this way whether he acknowledged it or not. Perhaps he did love her.

Kate stirred, opening her eyes slowly, blinking a couple of times to clear them up before focusing on Fyodor. She smiled at him and he flushed ever so slightly upon being caught and he looked away.