tips for nonbinary + trans folks <3

questioning your identity = hard

If you're questioning your gender or sexuality- there's no need to rush and find a label. Don't try and speedrun this! It feels like a lot of the LGBTQ community is like "you gotta discover a label that fits you! Everything and everyone must have a label!" But labels can be scary and honestly, you don't even need to find one for yourself at all. Some people prefer to use broad descriptions of their identities like "gender? What the heck is that? I just know I'm not 100% cis." Others instead are "I've pegged my exact identity using a very niche label and it fits me really well!"

Gender, and even sexuality, is like a color gradient. Not from pink to blue with purple in the middle- but a whole spectrum of colors, each with its own individual gradient.

I'll explain this using colors, because that just makes sense to me. Some people like choosing very specific labels and terms for themselves (genderfaun, graysexual, etc.) - such as intricate names for colors. Cerulean, Indigo, azure, stormy. They're specific and precise. Other people like using slightly broader terms, that might still be slightly specific. (Genderfluid, demigender, etc.) In terms of color- it's light blue, dark blue, pastel blue. Still specific, but still containing different shades and variations. Then there's the really vague terms. (Queer, trans, etc.) Those are broad and open-ended, easily open for interpretation based on the individual using the term. It's like the baseline colors. Red, blue, yellow.

It can be really overwhelming. Scary, even. Because there's so many different terms and pronouns and labels out there. So many lists with identity and flags. All a whorl of new, intricate words with precise meanings.

If you are questioning your identity- take it slow. You aren't carving anything into stone or signing away your organs if you do decide on a label- it's changeable. It's like trying on clothes! You might try a shirt on and decide "this fabric makes me want to tear my own arms off." You might try on another and think "hey, this one's kinda nice." Others still, you decide to buy and take home, wearing it out in public, and after a few days you realize that it looked cool in the store but doesn't really fit you. Labels are interchangeable and there's no pressure to have to stick with one.

Of course, you don't just become LGBTQ. You're born like that. Discovering that you are queer is different for each person- there isn't a certain age you have to be. Some kids realize they're trans as young as four. Others realize they're trans in their late twenties- or older. Queerness doesn't have a set age requirement.

Additionally- you don't even have to question your identity at all. There's such a huge pressure on people to deluge into a world of identities and labels if they feel the slightest twinge that they might not be cisgender or straight. If you don't even want to get into that whole thing- it's completely okay!

Here are some assorted tips:

• please take breaks. I learned this the hard way. Overanalyzing yourself can be stressful and overall make it worse in the long run. Youre not an algebra test. You're not a "book that you English teacher wants to analyze each and every sentence and find hidden themes in the most mundane descriptions." In short, you're a person. Not a machine. Take breaks. Distract yourself with something, go watch a movie, do anything.

• doubting yourself is healthy- it means you're not rushing into things head on. Doubting yourself doesn't mean "Oh I'm not queer enough." It's your brains way of fully processing things.

• if you come out of a period of questioning yourself and you realize you're cis/straight: that is okay! There's such an expectation that if you start questioning, you're LGBTQ- and that's not true for everyone. There's nothing wrong with being cis/straight. There's nothing wrong with realizing that you're not LGBTQ. It's completely and 100% okay. It's really honestly okay- there's nothing wrong with it at all. You're not "making it up for attention," it was just questioning yourself. There's nothing wrong with that.

• Questioning yourself is normal- it's a healthy period of self-discovery that honestly I think everyone goes through in some aspect, whether they're straight or cis or queer.

[This little note was written on 11/11/21.]
Additionally: this is really unrelated, but today it's november 11! That makes the date 11/11/. Anyways, today I managed to get a screenshot when it was 11:11am at the 11th second. So it's the day 11/11 at 11:11:11 am. I just thought it was really cool :)