Living With This Idiot (GirlxGirl)

CH. 39 It's Always Been You

What I said to Christina when we kissed was wrong of me. Lamenting that she was not Maddie and saying it to her face was not how I expected things to happen. Seeing her cry afterwards because of it broke my heart and made my feel like a bitch. For that reason, I asked her to meet up with me at a nearby coffee shop.

Protective of herself, she sat across from at and avoided eye contact. To me it didn't seem like she was angry. More like disappointed and hurt. I would have been too. It made me want to slap myself.

"Thank you for meeting up with me," I really appreciated it. Nervously, I tapped my fingertips on the table. "First of all, I want to apologize for the other night," part of the healing process was for me to own up to it and not just pretend like it never happened.

"You said what you meant," not blaming me, she excused on my behalf. Still, not looking at me. Instead, she kept her eyes on her coffee cup. "I'm the one who should be apologizing," she looked up through her eyelashes. It took me by complete surprise. I gave her puzzled expression. "Obviously, you're in love with Maddie and I came between that," regret and guilt washed over her expression.

"Don't blame yourself so much," even though I didn't have feelings for her anymore, I didn't want to see her like this.

"No, I should," she insisted. "You guys were already happy and I thought... I just came to mess everything up for you guys," she sighed at herself. "I thought you guys weren't that serious but I was wrong," she admitted. "You love her and I'm pretty sure that she loves you too," she sounded convinced, which made my heart skipped a beat. Oh dear god, I hoped that Maddie truly was.

Recollecting my thoughts, I took a deep breath, "In a way, you helped us," I stated. "Well, helped me," I rephrased. Confused, her forehead creased. "Before I knew that I had a chance with you, yes, I was happy with Maddie but the thought of you was always there," I started. Nervously, my hands started to sweat. "I wondered about us," I admitted. I cleared my throat and fought to find my words. "If you wouldn't have come back, then I would have still been wondering because I wouldn't have known what you and I would have been like," I explained. "I wouldn't have been able to explore these feelings that still remained for you," I added, gathering up all the courage to fully express myself. "And now that I did, I can finally and truly move on," I sighed and smiled in relief.

Containing her tears, her lips pursed.

"So you don't blame me?" she asked.

With no hesitation, I shook my head no, "You helped me realize that Maddie is the one I truly want to be with," I stated. "The one I'm in love with."

Standing up from the chair, Christina looked down at me, "I wish you absolute happiness, Tori," she sounded sincere. "You and Maddie," and with that said, she walked away.

Relieved, I exhaled slowly. A weight had been lifted off my chest. Like if I had been saved from drowning, I could finally breathe again. The story with Christina was over. That chapter was closed. She was officially in the past. Christina was just Christina now. No longer my dream girl. The one who got away. The one I so called loved at one point. Back then, I was infatuated with her and truly did have actual feelings for her but that was not love.

Love was what I felt for Maddie.

**********

At the Slice, I was a nervous wreck. There was something that I had to do but didn't know how to go about it. There was a lot of pressure on me. I feared everyone's reaction to what I had to say. But it had to be done.

All day, I felt anxious. Anticipated for closing time to officially talk to Frank. Throughout the afternoon, I kept making mistakes. Worst time to do them. Almost, I dropped a tray with Pizza. Fortunately, Maddie caught it on time. Shortly after that, I knocked over a stack of dirty plates. I tended to be very clumsy when I was nervous and/or afraid.