Living With This Idiot (GirlxGirl)

CH. 24 No More Distractions

Marisa waited in my bedroom as I brushed my teeth and pulled my hair up in a ponytail. Fidgeting with my hands, I walked back into my room. Nervously, I chewed on the inside of my cheek as I walked over to sit on my desk chair since Marisa was sitting on my bed.

"Before I start, I want to apologize for running out the way that I did," her expression in distress showed how horrible she felt about it. "Mainly for not replying to your messages," it looked like guilt had been consuming her.

"It's okay," I didn't want her to feel so stressed.

She shook her head, "It's not okay," she stated. "You didn't deserve that," she defended. "I was being a coward; and in part selfish," she claimed. I didn't like hearing her say those stuff about herself. "Selfish for only looking after myself-"

I interrupted, "You needed that time for yourself," I completely understood.

"But what about you? You needed answers," she insisted. "I left you wondering," she gulped down hard. "I know that it must have been eating at you these last days," her lips pursed. So much had built up in me. As much as I wanted to release it all, I didn't want to make her feel any worse nor judged. Instead, I kept it in and felt my heart pounding uncontrollably against my chest. "I should have been strong enough to face you," she finished.

I took a deep breath before speaking, "It just tortures me to not know what you're feeling."

"It tortures me too," she mumbled out. Puzzled, I felt my forehead crease. "Tori, I don't know what I- what I feel," she confessed, her chest raising up and down nervously. "I've never felt this confusion with a girl before..."

"What confuses you?" My heart beaten anxiously.

Fidgeting her with her fingers, she stared downward. "I've always liked guys but I don't know... with you, I'm not sure what I feel," her words and thoughts seemed lost. "I really like being with you. I enjoy your company. I look forward to seeing you. When I'm with you, it feels like everything is fine. That no bad can come from it," she listed. "And then when we kissed, I really liked it and it confused me," she added. "I don't know if I actually have romantic feelings for you or if I'm just confusing our unbelievable and amazing friendship," she explained.

"Then what?" I was still confused to what we were going to do.

"I'm confused-" she stated, "but I don't want to explore this with you."

Taken back, I questioned, "What are you saying?"

"That I don't want to use you to figure out my confusion," she clarified. "What if I come to realize that I'm only into guys? I don't want to put you through that," she explained. "You mean so much to me and I don't want to hurt you. I rather do it on my own."

My heart shattered to pieces, "What if you come to realize that you do have feelings for me?"

"If that's the case and you still want to be with me, I'll come back," she gave a half smile. "Don't wait on me though. Regardless of what I feel, it's not fair for you to wait," she advised. "Live your life."

No matter how much I understood this, I still couldn't help but to cry a little. It was too overwhelming. Nodding, I sniffled, "And you live yours."

At the same time, we stood up and stepped forward towards each other to hug. Holding on to her as if this were going to be the last time I'd see her, I rested my chin on her shoulder. She placed her face in the crook of my neck and hugged me back just as tight.

**********

Boring Saturday mornings sometimes led to unplanned hang outs. Mauricio and I went to buy Halloween decorations for The Slice. Frank put him in charge of it, and he hit me up to invite me. Instead of letting my heartbreak consume me, I accepted to go shopping.