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may 19: exits and ends

this is it.

this is the f*cking end.

cade thinks he can get me back after this chaotic trip. but i have other plans. i'm never going to see him again.

i'm never going to see the boy i fell in love with ever again.

"bree amber halsborough! if you're not down here in the next five minutes i will come up myself to drag your ašs out of your room instead." i hear a screeching voice from downstairs. i smile, shaking my head. some things never do change, especially your sister threatening you to hurry up.

"coming!" i throw back at her, yelling at the white back of my closed door.

sighing, i stride across my bright blue room to the one darker blue wall spotted with interlocking rings of pink and green placed sporadically. my wooden desk and armoire rest against that wall and i cautiously sit back down on my pink chair, rolling the seat so that i'm in front my laptop again. taking a deep breath i look at my google results of flights coming from london and the time zones that they'll be landing in.

i'm not ready to let him go just yet but it's not as if i could ever see him again anyways.

logging off my browser i race into my bathroom and make myself look half decent in record time. i leave the room satisfied i look okay and grab my favourite outfit that i packed with me; a pleated white miniskirt and a sleeveless silky black blouse that tucks into it, matched with an indigo vest and blue heels.

i shove on my watch along with some bracelets and grab my phone just in case cade texts me. it's only ten o' clock in the morning but i still have to get down to the airport for my flight. cade says his flight is seven hours so it would be 4 p.m here in canada by the time he gets back. my flight leaves at 2 p.m. we won't be crossing paths again. grabbing my red suitcase and duffel bag i scramble awkwardly down the stairs until my little sister helps me with my suitcase and my father greets me with a hug before he goes to work. he stayed late today to see me off but i know how important it is to be on time in his department.

"stay safe in london. take care of yourself okay? and visit. promise to visit during better times. quintin is doing better now but still, i'd like to see you during the beginning of your sibling's summer break maybe? i love you bree, i'll see you soon." he mutters through the bear hug i'm currently enveloped in.

"promise. i'll visit then. love you too dad!" i give him one last squeeze in return and he kisses my mom briefly before exiting the house.

the smell of french toast wafts up from the kitchen and i greet my mom and sister. my mom's late for work and my sister's first class starts at 10:15 but they both wanted to see me off. my brother had headed out earlier but i said my goodbyes last night.

"i made you breakfast, just load your dishes in the washer and have a safe flight love." my mother walks over to me and gives me an embrace followed by my sister. they quickly grab their stuff and soon two pairs of heels click across the hardwood floor before the door slams. even though my family has left me alone in the house i've grown up in, it feels more full than ever due to my alarmingly increasing feelings that take up the space and creates a stifling atmosphere. i sit down at the kitchen island and pull my plate of breakfast towards me. it smells great but i can't work up an appetite.

cade's right. we don't live in a movie. it's time i face the fact that this is my life and i control what happens. just like how i controlled the fact that cade is hereby dismissed from my life.

entirely.

feeling suffocated in my feelings of lost, i push away the untouched plate of food and stand up. packing up my breakfast and leaving the leftovers in the fridge before putting my plate in the dishwasher as instructed. i prepare to leave my house behind knowing that i'll visit soon. i just won't see cade.