Double Life | Natasha Romanoff

9. Decision

Your POV
Each time when we run a background check on the employees of the company, they have a clean record, nothing's wrong with them. It leads us to think that they may be a front or fake identity.

I lean back on my chair and take a break. There's so much going on and half of the day is not even gone yet. I decided to call Natalie but she didn't answer her phone. I ended up texting her instead.

You:Are you free?You don't have to think too much about yesterday.I'm fine with being just friends.Are we even friends?

No reply... Is she avoiding me? So fast? Too fast?

I try to get back to work again but I wasn't concentrating. I let out a heavy sigh before taking my car keys and drove off. I walk into the cemetery and the caretaker here knows that I'm here every year. I sit in front of her grave, not sure what I am feeling right now.

"Hey, sis... they gave me the file today." I paused. "I know they probably want me back to settle this and you would be against it. But, for the whole 7 years, I have felt nothing. I am not even sure if I am capable of crying anymore." I whispered softly.

After putting up a strong front for 7 years, I kind of forget how to put it down. It is stuck up there, rusty at the hinge from not moving it for a long time.

I sat there quietly for a few hours before leaving. "Bye, see you soon."

---

I flop onto my bed after taking my sleeping pill, it's like my lifeline now. I haven't been sleeping well the past few days but that's not new.

I am transported back to the day my sister died. I was doing a mission for the company. With my gun raised, clearing each room as I proceeded, I was met with a horrifying scene. My sister was hanging from her wrist, unconscious and a guard swinging a bat at her.

"STOP!" I took a shoot at the guy and the rest raised their gun at me. "Y/S/N, wake up!" I pointed my gun at each of them.

"She's not going to wake up." A guy emerged from the shadows.

"Shut up! I'm not talking to you." I gripped my gun tighter, not moving from my position. They inched forwards and I am outnumbered, but I am not going down without a fight. I take out as many as I can before sliding away from their shots, constantly moving making it difficult for them. One of them managed to shoot my shoulder and I turned around to kill him. I picked up the bat lying on the ground as I ran out of bullets and started swinging around like a madman. There were only a handful of people left so I trash the last of them before releasing my sister.

I held her in my arms as I tried shaking her awake. "Wake up, wake up. This is not funny. Now!" I tried to feel her pulse but I don't know if I felt it or if I was shaking too much.

I was screaming at the top of my lungs as tears fell down my cheeks. I could also feel myself passing out due to the shots I received.

"Y/N!" Was the last thing I heard before I blacked out. Backup finally arrived, but they were far too late. Too late.

---

I was whimpering in my sleep. I clenched my jaw as the nightmare played in my dreams. I breathed heavily but air was not getting into my lungs. My chest feels constricted as I clench onto my pillow. I finally let out a gasp and breathe in the cold air as I wipe my sweat from my forehead.

I am the type of person who doesn't open their mouth while having a nightmare. Some noise still escapes from me but it's soft. It really reduces the amount of oxygen I get. I even wonder if I am going to pass out in my sleep one day.

I push myself up and rest my head on the headboard. It's only 4.53am and it's still dark outside. I take my tablet from the bedside table and go through the file again. Taking note of the names and companies so that if I ever encounter them, I'll be more prepared. I still have to make the decision about returning to the company or not.

I can't remember when was the last time I cried. The only time I came close to crying was for Natasha, and even then, it only managed to wet my eyes, tears did not really fall.
I guess over the years, my heart turn into steel so people can't disappoint me. I always push my feelings away.

Arghhh, the mind is all over the place. Sorry for the weird confession.