forever is a lie | kl |

2

I cried my self to sleep, an hour or so later a knock was placed on my door."Can I come in?"Trevor asked. I got up and opened the door and sat slouching on my bed

I expected to see just Trevor, but I saw all five if them. I sighed.

''How are you doing?'' Ricky asked "Fine I guess." My motone voice answered  "Do you want to talk about it." Sam asked. " Dude." Jc hit Sam on the back of his head "Ow" Sam hissed "No,it's alright." I sniffled "I'll tell you the whole story." I saybthe boys sit down like it's storytime in preschool.

" So basically it all started in middle school, but it technically started way before that in elementary school I was called names. Typical, I always sat by the doors at recess. I didn't like playing or anything. I was very anti social with still being social at the same time.

" In upper elementary in sixth grade people were really mean to me, giving me very judgemental looks. Then seventh grade the first year of middle school. It went okay, I felt like I was in high school when I wasn't. The summer before eighth grade I slowly ate less, and I lost about thirty pounds. I felt happy. My parents noticed, but I could care less since I was happy.

"Eight grade at the start I felt good, really good. I dressed girly - er, my one friend who I haven't talked to in forever noticed I lost weight and I felt happy. Then when fall and winter came it all went down hill, I vividly remember it was the first time I hung out with the friends I still have to this day.

" It was at my friend Jenna's house, her, me and our two other friends Mary, and Carli went to see a movie, then when we got back to her house we had pizza. I had a few pieces and I remember putting myself on her scale I just finished my second piece and I weighed 151 when a few seconds before I weighed 149.

" A bunch of other shit happend that year I found out that my old friends that I don't care for anymore cut them self, also I started to cut then I stopped for along ass time then, high school.

" I was so damn fucking unhappy with my self in freshman year and I cut more, I haven't in forever. I felt so damn insecure and every girl looked like damn super models. Wearing makeup properly, having a skinny ass body, rich ass clothes. While I just wore hoodies, jeans and vans.

"Something happend with one of my friends and I, I was in a bad place and didn't want to be in the group chats that were made. Also because I was listening to music or watching YouTube videos. She would get pissed, I distanced my self from my friends because I thought they were mad at me.

" For a few weeks I hung out with my two other friends in the morning, I haven't talk to them in forever so I figured. My one friend who was pissed at me about the whole group chat stuff , texted me and was asking questions that I don't remember vividly. She called me fake and a fucking bitch.

"That was my worst time, I called my friend Sarah crying and my other friend Melanie. I was in a really bad place then. (Low key am crying rn bc this story is true) I woke up one day not knowing what was gonna happen that day. I woke up asked if I could stay home, my dad said no. I got to school walked to where I saw Mel meet Jenna. I broke down crying in front of them, we meet up with the rest of my friends.

"They all hugged me and told me it would be okay, I wanted to die right then and there. Carli sided with her friend I remember Jenna saying to Carli " Hey, your best friend is making one of my friends cry."

"Long story short I am not friends with that one girl, everyone is friends again. But there was so much shit that year I just wanted to die. I even asked my mom more than once if I could go to therapy she ignored me, I asked my dad he said he would talk to her. He didn't. I asked her why I couldn't go to therapy she said "Because you're going through the same things I went through."

"I so wanted to ask my mom "So you wanted to kill yourself too?" I had to bite my tounge to hold that back. Freshman year was the worst year of highschool for me, but also they best because even when my feelings got in the way I looked back at all of my friends pictures and videos.

"Then sophomore and junior year I had bulima which caused everyone to question me and give me hateful and jugdeful looks not like I got enough already. But I'm doing way better than I was before." I told them