Orphic Love

Chapter 26

I wanted to show them that I was fine. That I moved on. That I can handle my own now and they don't have anything to be worried about anymore. Kaya kahit na ramdam ko ang dahan-dahang paglayo, nagpatuloy ako. Nilunod ko na lamang ang sarili ko sa trabaho.

Though, I must say, it was effective. I focused on modeling and showed them that I was fine. Only to realize after a year and a half, I was truly fine. Hindi na ako umiiyak tuwing gabi tuwing naaalala ko ang araw na nawala sa akin ang anak ko. Hindi na ako binabangungot ng araw na iyon. Hindi na rin sumisikip ang dibdib ko tuwing naiisip ko si Aedion.

"Si Papa po?" tanong ko nang pumasok na kami sa loob.

"He's in his office," tipid na sagot ni Mama.

Ayaw man niyang ipahalata, I know she got disappointed nang malaman niyang hindi ko sila masasaluhan ngayong gabi.

Gusto ko man ibalik sa dati ang relasyon ko sa aking mga magulang, inaamin ko, may parte pa rin sa akin na natatakot na baka nguling gumulo ang pamilya namin dahil ulit sa akin. I can still remember those nights where while I was crying quietly inside my room, I could hear my parents shouting at each other, blaming one another for what happened to me.

Pumunta si Mama sa kusina upang tulungan ang mga kasambahay sa paghahanda ng hapunan, samantalang umakyat naman ako patungo sa opisina ni Papa. Kung kanina, naiisip ko pang tanungin si Papa tungkol kay Aedion, ngayon, pagkatapos kong makita at makausap si Mama... nagbago na ang isip ko.

If I ask him about Aedion, whether he's still being followed or not, I figured, I might only give them a reason to get worried about me again. Through the years I worked hard to show them that I moved on already. That I can take care of myself. I can imagine what they might think once I ask about Aedion after five years of not talking about him.

So, no. I won't ask anymore. Kung hindi na siya pinapasundan pa, that's good. It only means I convinced them that good na ayos na ako para lubayan na nila si Aedion. And now that I think about it thoroughly, I don't think Aedion is back here in Manila for revenge. I'm sure he's not that dumb to come back here for that. After what happened back then, nasisiguro kong alam na niya na wala siyang magagawa laban sa amin.

Baka hindi niya talaga alam na ako ang may-ari ng store na pinuntahan niya. Baka nagulat din siya kanina nang makita niya ako, at hindi na siya babalik ulit doon ngayong alam na niya. I told myself.

I hope so. Dahil kahit na pinatawad ko na siya sa mga ginawa niya noon, ayoko pa rin siyang nakikita. Seeing him reminds me of all the things that I work so hard to forget.

Papa was talking to someone over the phone when I entered his office. He glanced at me and smiled a bit. I smiled back and gestured to him to go on before walking towards the couch in front of his table and sat there.

I looked around my father's office. Just like the other rooms in this house, almost nothing changed in here. I laughed a bit, remembering how I would always choose to go here and hide whenever I'm playing with my brother and cousin when we were still kids, for I know Kuya Ron won't go here cuz he was scared of Papa back then. Ang ending, lalabas ako at magpapahuli nalang sa kaniya dahil na bored na sa kakatago.

May ngiti pa sa aking labi dahil sa naalala nang magtama ang mga mata namin ni Papa. He smiled at me, the same kind of smile Mama gave me a while ago when she thought I'll be eating dinner with them. It gave me more reason not to ask about Aedion.

Hindi man ako nakasabay sa kanila sa hapunan, magaan ang kalooban ko nang tumulak na patungo sa date namin ni Ralph. I had good conversation with Papa, which Mama joined a few minutes after. It made me forget about what happened earlier at the store.