{CURRENTLY EDITING/SLIGHT REWRITE.}
Ainsley Ashter was a freak-show. A psychopath. An absolute and utter maniac.... Or so they thought.
She was imprisoned at the age of thirteen when she murdered her parents using nothing but the metal leg of her b...
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THE STUNT FINN PULLED HAS RENDERED HIM AS THE NEW PSYCHO IN TOWN. The disturbed looks he receives from everyone is akin to the ones most still give her, but the difference is that she's no longer affected by them. She's made her peace with it. Finn is different, though, and despite not really caring about him, she can sympathize. Clarke won't even look at him anymore.
Ainsley has no idea what she would do if Murphy wouldn't look at her. He's the only one on this godforsaken planet she's allowed herself to care for, besides Bellamy and Raven, and she's not even speaking to Murphy. She's barely known him a month, and yet he's her only solace.
She sits beside Raven, watching as Finn storms away from Clarke with a stormy facial expression, and shakes her head. It bugs her and she doesn't even know why, but that's not really what makes her insides boil. She overhears Clarke tell Murphy to get lost and that she hasn't forgiven him. Ainsley scoffs. It was one thing for her to be pissed at him, but Clarke? Who died and made her Queen?
"How's the leg?" Ainsley questions, a little more blunt than she intended. She winces. "I just mean – Sorry I wasn't here."
"I'm fine, Ashter," Raven replies dismissively. "Really, it's fine. Nothing I can't get over."
Ainsley gives her a dubious look, doubting that very much, but deciding to let it lie.
"Well yeah." She chuckles. "You're the Raven Reyes. The mastermind, the legend," she says, jokingly nudging her. "If you can't bounce back, there's no hope for the rest of us."
"Shut up," Raven responds, laughing and pushing Ainsley's shoulder gently while rolling her eyes. "Enough about how great I am… How was he?"
Ainsley sighs and crosses her arms over her chest. For once in her life, she's reached the impossible; one where the topic of death made her uneasy. A growing sick feeling in her gut at having to relive it over, and over again.
"He.. He didn't even blink, Raven. He was me," she pauses, before admitting, "I froze. Murphy.. Murphy's the only one who kept his head."
"Hey," Raven says, sternly. "You are a badass, Ainsley Ashter. Embrace it. You did what you could, and hey, I know you're the reason he isn't dead. So. Come with me?"
Ainsley sighs through her nose as the direction Raven walked off leads directly to Clarke, and Murphy. She averts her gaze, internally cursing Raven until they reach the table. Stop, Ainsley pleads with herself. Even his proximity is enough to send shock coursing through her veins; her skin heats up, and she curses herself for that, too. It's over as soon as it begins. Raven tells Murphy to beat it, and he throws his arms in the air in surrender, shooting Ainsley a look that she pretends to not see.
Once he exited from earshot, Raven immediately launches to Clarke, something Ainsley barely understood. Ainsley thought they were approaching to talk about Finn, not some theory about Mount Weather jamming other communication systems. It sounds boring. Her thoughts must be pretty see through, she can't help noticing, when Raven pauses in the middle of asking Clarke to show her something, to tell Ainsley she doesn't have to hang around if she doesn't wanna. Raven tells her to rest. Ainsley doubts that very much, but she gives her a nod and a thumbs up, before leaving Raven with Clarke.
The thing about open wounds is, If left to its own devices, it can lead you in circles. It isn't easy, being confined. It's almost like she's back on the Ark. She isn't allowed outside the camp walls, and she's growing pretty antsy. So, she's wandering around aimlessly, her thoughts like a deadly disease. The stares from the others linger as she passes them by. Irritation flares in her chest, and she tries to push it down. It's really no use. They'll always see her as a criminal. A murderer. A psychopath. It's what she'll always be. A tiger doesn't change its stripes. That's what her dad always said while in a fit of drunken rage; his mind convincing him that she's the problem. She's an enigma to everyone. They don't understand.
"You've noticed it, too, huh?" Murphy startles her thoughts, silencing them while she observes their sudden close proximity. She takes a tiny step backwards.
"I'd be a fool if I couldn't," she admits, scoffing, but not making direct eye contact.
She wants to let go of the anger. She really has no right to be angry. And if she didn't care about Bellamy, it's a no-brainer that she would have been right by Murphy's side. He hung Bellamy, though, and completely destroyed their ammunition. Ammunition they needed for the war that came after he left. He kissed her back and he never once looked over his shoulder when he left. He was just gone.
"I'm starting to think I'm just like our boy, Finn," Murphy says, switching gears. "You can't even look at me." At her silence, he gives a long drawn sigh. "Come on, Ashter. You hate him! Scoff, or flip me off, something."
She peels her eyes from the ground, searching his face with what she hopes is an unreadable expression on her own. Ainsley doesn't know which is worse; being so close to him yet unable to bring herself to touch him, or the thought of walking away without a resolution. Her parents have ruined her. Love is a weakness she can't afford, especially not down here. Not now. After all, caring about others has only left her injured and with more questions than answers.
Ainsley wants to tell him she just needs a little time; that she can't fathom falling in love with him, because she's terrified it'll consume her. Love is giving him the power to destroy her, and she vowed to never do that again.
"What do you want from me, John?" Ainsley turns towards him, throwing her arms up exasperatedly. "I can't.. I can't be what you want me to be." She swallows thickly, her arms coming back to rest at her sides in defeat. "Maybe I'm wrong to judge you so harshly when I've done and would do worse, but we would have stood a hell of a chance against the Grounders if you wouldn't have ruined all of our ammunition. I'm so.. I'm so angry, John. You left us to die."
Ainsley swallows again, before turning with her heart feeling heavier than ever before. Regret is already building in her chest as she leaves him staring after her.
AUTHORS NOTE —
I'm so sorry this took forever! Toddler and one baby on the way is exhausting, but id never give up on this story or you guys ever! Just might take me a few months to get in a groove of writing again as muse is a dastardly thing. I love each and every one of you and your comments and votes mean the absolute world to me!
