I'll Always Look Out For You

10 | Carrying A Banner | 6 Years Old

How did he guess? Jack nods. Then, he begins. "There's this person. Every time I'm near them, I'm happy, and I get a funny feeling."

Ray nods thoughtfully. "A funny feeling like you feel nervous, but at the same time really happy?"

"Yeah!" Jack exclaims, relieved that Ray (once again?? How?!) knows exactly what he's talking about. Ray can explain what this is. Jack feels better now already.

Ray smiles. "I think you have yourself a crush, Jack."

No. That wasn't what he was expecting--or wanting--to hear back.

Jack's smile falters. "That can't be right."

"Why not?"

"Because...because...because..." if he can't even admit it to himself, how will he ever say it out loud?

"Is it because it's not a typical normal infatuation?" Ray asks.

"What?" Jack feels his cheeks heat up. "No..."

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" Ray puts a hand on Jack's shoulder.

Jack looks away. "Yeah..."

"Do you think that it can't be right because you have these feelings...for a guy?" Ray asks gently.

Jack's heart skips a beat. "How did you know?"

"Because you're like me, Jack," Ray murmurs. "Now look at me."

Jack bites his lip and looks up at Ray.

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with these feelings," Ray tells him. "I want you to know that."

"But-" Jack tries to protest.

"No," Ray cuts off firmly. "I've noticed that when we carry the banner you smile when a pretty girl walks by, and it's genuine.  But I can also tell that you get those feelings for guys too, don't you? You like girls. You know that. But you also think that maybe you like boys too, don't you?"

It's like Ray summed up Jack's thoughts perfectly. Jack looks down again and nods.

"Hey." Ray tips Jack's head up with his finger on his chin. "That's what you and I have in common."

"Really?" Jack asks, incredulous. 

"Yes."

"I know you liked Stargazer," Jack ventures. He knows that this is a dangerous topic, as it's been only six months since...

Not liked. Loved.

And in this moment, Ray realizes his mistake. He let them all walk on egg shells around him, and barely talk about Stargazer, let alone Brooklyn, or the love the two had, for half a year. He can change that now.

"Yeah," Ray says. I want you to know that you aren't treading dangerous waters. "I really did. Is that why you came to me to ask me about this? Because you knew me and Stargazer were together?"

Jack looks down. "I thought you'd understand."

"I do. And that's why I need to ask you a question."

Jack looks up.

"Was it wrong for Stargazer and I to have feelings for each other?"

Jack shakes his head whole heartedly. "No. You two were perfect together."

True, Ray didn't necessarily need to hear that last bit, but man was it nice to hear. "So ... why should it be wrong for you to have these feelings for someone?"

How does Jack answer that? He knows why it should be wrong. Shouldn't it be obvious? The outside world engrained it into him. "Because society finds it wrong."