Loving You is a Losing Game | PJM

Ch. 15

                                  

"Hey!" Hannah tried to sound bright as the door was opened. Maybe doing this would lessen the pain she was in.

"I know you hate me and don't want to see me but just gimme a moment and I'll leave." Hannah stared at her as if asking for permission to come in.

"Come in." Aera moved out of her way to let her in. She sat on the couch motioning Hannah to do the same. When Hannah sat, she cleared her throat to start the conversation but before she could Aera responded to her previous statement.

"I don't hate you." She paused for a moment. "I'm in fact thankful to you." Aera added and looked up at Hannah who already was staring at her with soft eyes.

There was something in her eyes that prompted Aera to confess the truth she had been running away from for so long. Something in her gaze told her that it was finally okay to say it.

"I could never tell him that. I loved him. I still do but at some point it just started turning into platonic love. I felt__ I realized I__." She fiddled with her fingers trying to get the words out of her mouth.

"Liked girls instead." Hannah completed the sentence for her as she looked at her sympathetically.

"Yeah. I__ wanted to tell __ he'd hate me. I couldn't lose him as friend. I couldn't." Anybody could sense fear of rejection and abandonment in her voice.

There were so many times when she tried telling Jimin about this but she always panicked thinking how'd Jimin react. The way her ribs seemed to tighten around her heart like they were ready to crush it, or whenever Jimin and she were sharing some intimate moments, she'd try to stop tears but they never did and Jimin thought it was because of pleasure. Little did he know that it was the feeling of being caged in her own self, a battle of her mind and body.

And now finally she was brave enough to get it off her chest. She finally felt somewhat free. Her body shook as she cried and Hannah left her seat to sit next to her and hugged the trembling girl who just out loud admitted something she had been trying to avoid for God knows how long.

The girl held the other one close until her sobbing was subdued to soft sniffles and occasional hiccups. All this time, Hannah murmured assurances and what not to her in soft voice. That definitely helped Aera in calming down.

"Feeling better now?" Hannah inquired handing her water.

"I feel better. Thanks." Aera nodded and drank water. She kept glancing at the other girl who now was married to her ex fiance or best friend.

Aera congratulated her on marriage to which Hannah just smiled and even though she hadn't known her for long, Aera could see the way her eyes saddened at the mention of marriage.

But instead of prying on, she tried to change the topic.
"How__how did you know_ I mean you know that__ ." Aera blabbered and then a hand squeezed her hand.

"You can say it. Why are so afraid of me? I'm not judging you for anything Aera." She assured her.

"You are not disgusted by me?" Aera questioned again feeling uncertain. This was what always scared her. The fear of people disgusting her just because she wanted to be free to love anyone became Aera's worst nightmare since the day this realization dawned upon her.

"No. Not a single bit." She smiled softly rubbing her thumb on her knuckles.

"You're so kind. I don't know how to thank you. You saved me from being trapped in my body for my whole life. I__ I maybe I wouldn't have even admitted it if it weren't for you."

"I'm happy that you finally found yourself. I'm so proud of you Aera." Hannah ruffled her hair grinning widely.

"I like you." Aera suddenly confessed but it wasn't a surprise for Hannah. She knew it the moment Aera looked at her when they first met. Hannah remembered all to well the way Aera's eyes glimmered looking at her.

"I'm married." Hannah smiled teasingly.

"I know that. That boy got lucky." Aera said with a glint of sadness and Hannah looked away.
But Aera didn't fail to note the pool of sadness that whirled in her beautiful eyes.
Something was up but it wasn't her place to ask. Not yet at least. Before she could say something Hannah began again.

"Uh I actually came to clear something with you. I know I'm a horrible person and I won't deny it because I know what I did. But there's something you need to know. I have nothing on you. Now as ridiculous as it sounds I'm not that horrible to use something like that against you. When I said I have some videos etc, it was a mere threat. And I'm sorry to say but both of you are stupid and gullible." Hannah grimaced and Aera just stared at her in surprise.

"Jimin wouldn't agree if it wasn't for you so, yeah had to do that. But you don't need to worry about it now." Hannah added to the previous comment.

"Well that's___ relieving?" Aera asked uncertainly.

"Yes if that's the question."

"You're a good person. I don't know why I keep getting that vibe even though you threatened to do something horrendous to me." And Aera saw her laugh for the very first time. It was simply beautiful. It wasn't loud. It was soothing like she was mumbling some enchantment spell. Aera could swore she saw the room lighting up with her laugh.

"Can we be friends?" Aera hoped she wouldn't refuse it.

"Yeah." Hannah nodded happily.

"That means I can hit on you." Aera teased her.

"Ok maybe don't do that." She laughed.

"My first ever friend." Hannah exclaimed excitedly exiting the door.