Loving You is a Losing Game | PJM

Ch. 27

Jimin rubbed his eyes, again and again until there was a burst out of bright and intense colors and he could see flamboyant specks.

But it was still there.

"I'm not even drunk right now." He muttered under his breath as his eyes kept spotting a familiar figure in the crowd.

"Or maybe I'm." He again mumbled. Not being able to decide what to do, he called for the bartender.

"Do you see what I'm seeing?" He asked the boy.

"Um__ I'm afraid Sir. I don't think I can." The boys answered mechanically to the customer as he was accustomed to seeing drunk people talk shit that they wouldn't even remember next day.

"No, do you see that?" Jimin again pointed.

"Sir please stop pointing at people. You might get in trouble for it." This time boy said genuinely concerned about him, lowering Jimin's hand.

"I'm not drunk. Okay?" It was annoying. Jimin just wanted a confirmation and the boy wasn't making it easy for him.

"Yeah sure, Sir." He himself saw Jimin taking 3 shots of strong drink, people get drunk with even one.

"Do you see that girl over there with that blonde girl?" Jimin finally asked more clearly but not pointing. The boy glanced and nodded.

"Okay that means I'm not hallucinating. Right?" Jimin inquired. He wanted to be sure before taking any action.

"No, Sir. You're not." The boy answered and moved away before Jimin could ask something else.

"Okay I'm on my own now. Don't worry. I'll be fine." He patted his own shoulder for assurance. He left his seat but lost the balance almost falling down but somehow managed to prevent it.

"I'm okay. I'm okay." He reassured yet again. He looked where he was going. Good thing, the girl was still there. He approached the girl this time hastily walking towards her.

"Jimin." The girl said and looked around. Then she turned around and whispered to the other girl "Hey! I'm leaving. I've to drop him home." And the girl nodded understanding the situation.

"Let's go Jimin." She held his arm and he released it out of her grip with a jerk.

"I don't want to. I want to talk." He raised his voice completely forgetting that he was in a public place.

"Jimin, not here. We can talk in my car." She grasped his hand this time tightly and dragged him with her.

"Will you let me explain now?" Aera asked after Jimin sat in the car.

"Explain what?"

"Jimin. I__" she paused. On word and this could go so wrong.

"You what Aera?" Jimin questioned impatiently with a hint of annoyance.

"I like girls." Aera blurted out and looked at Jimin with horrified expression. He was frozen in his place. He opened his mouth to say something multiple times but nothing came out and Aera knew that expression all too well, he was about to burst out. But he finally said something, just one word.

"When?" Since when he meant or at least that's what Aera understood.

"I__ I started realizing it after__after I turned 18 but I thought it was just a phase and it'd end. It didn't." She paused taking deep breaths and continued again. "I became sure of it but it was too late. I had__had already said yes to your__your proposal."

Jimin said nothing and Aera took it as a cue to continue. "I'm so sorry Jimin. I wanted to tell you this. I couldn't__ you'd hate me. I__ never admitted it out loud. I always ignored everything but___ but when Hannah came, I couldn't control myself. I'm so sorry Jimin. Please don't hate me."

"And you thought it was right to force me to marry her?" He sharply said without raising his voice. Now that he had settled in with the idea of his marriage with Hannah, he still couldn't help but ask the question.

"I'm so sorry, Minnie. I had no other choice at that time." She cried.

"I'm not asking whether you had a choice or not, I'm asking what you did was right?"

"What did you expect me to do? What was I supposed to do. To marry someone for whom I don't even feel any desire. I love you. I still do but not in the way you want me to. Two years Jimin, I've fought with myself every single time we did something. Not because you weren't good. Just because I didn't like it."

"Even if she didn't come I might have ran away before wedding. That would have hurt you more. I'm glad she came in my life."

"You were never this selfish Aera." He said feeling unbelievable of what he was hearing.

"Jimin for God's sake. Don't you understand? Okay I was selfish. But what would have happened even if we got married. You and I. Tell me?" She questioned Jimin and he had no logical answer so he said what came in his mind.

"At least I didn't have to put up with her? I'm stuck with her." He said which wasn't quite true now that he liked her but he just wanted to let his anger out.

Aera grabbed her hair and breathed out. "You don't understand. She did us a favor, did me a favor. Jimin you're stuck with a person. You at least have an option to get away from her. I would have been stuck with myself. I could do nothing. I couldn't even run away from it Jimin. I've been running away for so long. I couldn't do it anymore. I was afraid to tell you I thought you'd hate me. I'm sorry. I didn't want you to hate me." With that she let her guard down and sobbed. Jimin saw her body trembling.
This was the girl he had loved all his life. Probably still did and she kept a secret from him just because she didn't want him to hate her. How could she even think that. How could he hate her?

He hesitantly reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder and she immediately leaned in his touch. Seeing that he pulled her in the hug and let her cry to the points of hiccups. When she finally stopped and looked at him with glossy puffed eyes.

"You don't hate me?"

"I could never." He said and the determination in his voice told her that he wasn't lying.

"After all what happened?" The girl just needed assurance. Even if she didn't love him like he did, she nevertheless was the same person he adored. His best friend, his crime partner. His first in everything.

"Even after all what happened." He rubbed his forehead against hers.
"How can I hate you for something like that? How can I hate you for loving someone?"

"We're okay?" Aera asked.

"We're." A tear escaped. Who would have thought so much would happen in a span of one year. His fiancee would leave, he'd marry another person, a rough year of marriage and then developing a liking for the person he loathed the most and now this closure.

The closure he needed.