Arranged Marriage • Joshua ✓

Arranged Marriage || 30

[ - sophia - ]

When he kissed me right at my neck, I froze. It was a lot for me to process right now. Or I should say it somehow triggered my trauma.

Relax Sophia... He's your husband...

I tried my bestest to stay as calm as possible, not wanting to get anxious and panicked in front of him. As much as I shouldn't be lying to him, I'm not ready to tell him anything. I lied about being pure. I'm not. It's a trauma that have been lingering in my mind ever since.

I kept quiet, being like a statue. My mind went blank.

I'm scared to speak up. I bit my bottom lip as I tried to summon the courage in me to ask him to stop.

"J-Joshua-- If you don't mind, please stop now. We have work and we don't want to be late" I said to him

He didn't say anything and he stopped.

"After this, please don't do this again okay ? You almost gave me a heart attack" I said calmly, despite feeling panicked and anxious.

"I'll wait for you in the car" said Joshua as he left

I exhaled as I felt tears forming. I hate it when I get in this vulnerable state. I should probably tell him not to do this kind of stuff since I get uncomfortable. Maybe when the time's right, I'll tell him about my trauma.

I finished on washing the homewares, I headed to my room to grab my belongings like usual and headed to the car after locking the door and gate. I was still feeling panicked and anxious. I felt light-headed already, but I don't wanna say anything for now.

I buckled up my seatbelt as I listened to the music to distract myself from everything

I tried to summon up the courage to talk to him about earlier and luckily I managed to gain some.

"Shua, maybe don't do that kind of stuffs to me ? Especially in secret. It... Made me feel uncomfortable." I said to him as I looked up onto the road

"Ah, you got uncomfortable ? Sorry about that" he apologized

"I'll make sure to not do that again okay ? I hope you'd forgive me" he added

"There's no need to apologize. You didn't know after all, of course I'd forgive you" I said as I let out a sigh of relief

"I guess you're still adjusting huh ? I understand" said Joshua

"And I'm glad you do" I responded

"I hope this doesn't anger you though..." I said as I looked down, remembering how I ended up in A LOT of toxic relationships before

"It doesn't don't worry. Isn't it my job as a husband to make you feel comfortable ???" said Joshua followed by a chuckle which reassured me a bit

"Again, thank you Joshua. I'm just glad you're very understanding of me" I thanked him

"Though... Is there a reason why ? I'm just curious" Joshua asked

"Well um... Maybe when the time's right, we'll talk about it okay ?? I just... Want to get more comfortable with you first" I replied

"Of course we can do that. Take your time" said Joshua which reassured me more

Honestly, I'm just glad that I married him instead of other guys. He's really understanding and gives me a lot of time to prepare myself to get closer to him. I just wished I've met him sooner...

My previous love lives were BARELY decent. Most of it are just toxic and I feel bad for myself. Only some of them I truly appreciate and enjoyed my time with them but yeah it just didn't work out.

I really really hope... My relationship with Joshua wouldn't be as bad as my previous ones. I'm kinda scared and traumatized, but since it already happened, I just had to accept it. I also hope that he wouldn't get bored of me... Like how others would...

[ - joshua - ]

When she said about being uncomfortable earlier, I felt guilty. I mean, I shouldn't have done that without asking beforehand. I feel bad now.

I really hope I didn't hurt her feelings in any ways. I'm also glad that she told me about it rather than being quiet. She forgave me too so I'm also grateful for it. I should be more careful in the future to make sure nothing bad happens between us.

Though... The way she said that earlier... She sounded timid. I wonder if I accidentally triggered something in her. I really really hope I didn't. Both of us are still being private with each other and I understood it well.

As much as we're already close, it's not close enough for us to actually tell each other about what we've been through before. It takes time and I understood it very well. I just hope she'd tell me as fast as she could so I'd be able to avoid making her upset or worst triggering any trauma etc.

It takes time to open up about your life and it's normal. Even between friends and lovers. I just want her to be as comfortable as she could with me. I just want to protect her and hope that we'd be living in a healthy relationship.

Sophia also seems to be a sensitive type of girl, that's why I get quite timid around her. I really don't want to upset or hurt her feelings. That's the last thing I wished to do. Well, I don't want to do either of those.

All I can do now is hope for the best in the future.