Don't Hurt Me

Chapter 45

I never tell anyone about how I told Josh off over what happened with Erin. I don't think anyone would approve, and besides, all I did was tell him what I thought. In the end, it's up to Erin to decide what she wants.

As it turns out, she stops talking to him. He tries to get her to take him back, many times, as she details to me and Alex, but she doesn't give in. During this time, she becomes fairly close to me and Alex, updating us every so often. Erin grows on me a little, and the three of us even go out together once or twice. When we do though, it's still mostly to reflect on Josh.

After a while, when Josh fades from the picture and gives up trying, Erin regains her confidence and returns to the company of her old friends. She stops seeing me and Alex so much, and becomes the same old Erin she used to be, cheerful and carefree.

It surprises me, but I miss her a little. While we don't have a lot in common, we do agree when it comes to matters on Josh. Probably a little too much.

I start focusing on the upcoming move, meeting my brothers, talking to my mother and making plans.

Somewhere at the end of May, I'm in the kitchen of Alex's house, helping Mrs. Caruso, when the doorbell rings. I don't think much of it, figuring it's probably one of the neighbors or a friend of Justin's or Mia's. Then a second later, Justin's voice yells, "Clare! Someone here to see you!"

I pause in the middle of slicing carrots, grimacing. It's probably one of my brothers. School is ending very soon, and we're pretty edgy about leaving.

"Go on," Mrs. Caruso urges me, a smile on her face. "You should take a break."

"OK, thanks. I'll be back." I pad out to the foyer, betting that it's Rob. It isn't. A lanky figure stands in the doorway, dressed in black, his curly hair falling across his forehead. Shades peer at me, reflecting my own reflection – a heart shaped face, gray eyes looking like a deer's caught in headlights. He pulls his shades down slowly, and a tentative smile crosses his face. My heart seems to jump and sink at the same time.

"Hey, Clare," he murmurs.

"Josh."

"Is this a bad time?"

"Oh, uh …. " I can't help it. I can't think. It's been weeks since the last time we talked, since the last time I slammed him outside school. I can't believe he actually came to see me.

"I was hoping we could talk," he says. "Just for a little while?"

I stare up at him, looking into the sea-green eyes that have always been my favorite. They still are, I can't deny that. No matter what, he's always as beautiful as when I saw him that first time.

The first time - that's right, Clare. I have to remember that night, the gang, the attack. Maybe Josh didn't actually throw any punches, but he was still a part of the whole picture. At the very least, his doing nothing meant he agreed with it.

"Yeah," I answer after a long time. "OK. Let's take a walk." I move past him out the door, brushing against his arm. I cross the Carusos' front lawn, and he follows me, ambling, his long legs easily keeping up. We turn down the sidewalk, walking slowly at each other's side.

It's been a long time since I've been out for something as simple as an aimless walk. Ever since I came to the Carusos, my wanderlust has died. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I've been busy, had things on my mind. I'm going to be moving miles away to a different town soon. That should be enough to satisfy my wanderlust forever. It's amazing how we get what we wish for sometimes.

I stare ahead, looking at people and objects don't matter – a girl in sweats, two boys talking over some cards, a stop sign, a dented-in fence. The sky is bright and riddled with filmy clouds. The sun is bare on us, too hot. Callville is much warmer in the summer than Delcott. I don't look forward to that.