Don't Hurt Me

Chapter 13

Despite having a good talk with Alex, I stubbornly avoid having lunch with her and Adam at school. I eat outside, sometimes with Rob, sometimes alone. One of these afternoons, I'm sitting under a tree on the school grounds, picking at a sandwich when a shadow falls over me.

I tip my head up, getting lost in eyes of green.

"Josh." I straighten up self-consciously. "Hi."

"Hey." He gestures beside me. "May I?"

"Sure."

He sits, exhaling softly. He's quiet for a minute, letting the sun warm his face,  before turning to me. "So what are you doing out here?"

"It's nice out here."

"Really? You like sitting in the hot sun?"

"It's not that hot." I pause. I have to ask. "Where's Erin?"

"She had something to do. She works on the Herald," he inforns me, referring to the school paper.

"Really? I didn't know that."

He nods. He stares at me, wavering as if there's more he wants to say.

I stare at my sandwich, speaking up again. "I, um, had no idea you had a girlfriend." I hate myself. I can't believe I'm saying the words, acting nonchalant, hiding the pain. Yet I have to do it. I have to hear what he says. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she's his cousin or something, and they're not together at all –

"Yeah," he dashes my dreams.

"You guys been together long?"

He fidgets, plays with his shirt collar like he's feeling nervous. "Since the start of the school year."

That's not long at all. In fact, that means that when I first met him  on Toledo Avenue, he wasn't with Erin yet. I can't help feeling like I missed an important chance somehow. Anyway, it's too late now.

"How'd you guys, you know, get together?"

He looks at me, staring really.

"Well?"

"It was her first day and she was lost. I helped her out."

I got lost on my first day at school too. Where was he then? Why did it have to be her and not me? "That was saintly of you."

"Clare - "

"Hey, guys!"

We snap our heads up. Erin is standing there, a bunch of papers in hand.

"Erin!" Josh sounds alarmed, like a boy who's been caught doing something wrong. "Uh, what happened to your Herald stuff?"

"All done. George helped me out. Hey, Clare." Her smile looks genuine. If she's surprised to find me sitting with Josh, she doesn't show it.

I nod stiffly. "Hey."

She looks over at her beloved. "I'm starving, Josh. Come with me? I wanna grab something to eat real quick."

Josh glances at me for a moment, then turns back to her, nodding. "OK. Talk to you later, Clare."

Erin is watching me. "You can join us, if you want," she offers.

Another couple to sit with. Only this is even worse because of my growing feelings for Josh. No, thank you. I shake my head at them. "You guys go ahead."

"OK." She walks off, and Josh follows, gazing at me over his shoulder.

I'm still thinking about the two of them when the day is over. I'm in the parking lot, seated on the hood of the Dodge, when Rob comes along. "Get off before Sam sees you. He'll kill you."