Don't Hurt Me

Chapter 3

The later part of my summer goes down in a waste.

Alex and Adam officially start dating, and I'm forgotten for the most part. Still, it seems like things are going well so I'm happy for her.

Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to be with someone. Someone who thinks I'm amazing. Someone who wants to know everything about me. Then I think of my family, and I ditch the thought. Is it any wonder that I can't let anyone get close? There's no place in my life for a guy, not now and probably not for a long time.

The last few days of my freedom are unexciting. Mostly, I find myself alone at home. Mom seems to go out a lot, but when I ask if she could use some company, she says no. I guess she must want her time alone.

So I get stuck at home doing chores. Listening to rock music (on low in case the neighbours complain again). Trying - always unsuccessfully - to get our mower to work so I can do something about the lawn. Sometimes, it feels like nothing would ever get done around here if not for me. As if I'm the only one who cares.

Before I know it, the first day of school rolls around. There I am, sleepy-eyed, chewing on a muffin in the backseat of our Dodge while my brothers sit up front - Sam, the eldest, behind the wheel.

It's not a long ride to Delcott High, yet it sure feels that way, with our dreary Monday morning mood. Most of the time, I stare out the window, watching stuff go by. Trees. Shops. Little office buildings. Generic neighbourhoods. And the people - faceless blurs dropping away before they can stick in my mind. It's all just background fuzz. None of it feels real. None of it matters.

Sam asks me if I'm nervous. I say no. I don't know if I'm lying or not.

More people whiz past. More buildings.

Sam makes a turn, entering a different street, and there it is. Looming right ahead of us in the distance, waiting for me. A big chunk of white and brown, gleaming silver windows and sprawling stone steps, with a little black-and-gold flag over the entrance. Delcott High.

The place Alex and I have come to, so many times, just to look at. To watch. To wonder what it would be like to be in. And now, it's really happening. Today's the day we've been both waiting for and dreading.

"Hey, Clare," Rob, my other brother, says to me as Sam moves to park. Rob is my twin, yet the only one among us to have inherited our father's dark hair and deep brown eyes. He cocks his head at me, the corner of his lips curving upward. "Bet you five bucks you'll get lost today."

"No," I retort, looking unhappily at the crowd.

"Ten."

"No."

"Twenty."

Hmm. Twenty bucks. Could do quite a bit with twenty bucks.

"OK. Deal."

Sam wrinkles his nose at both of us, but doesn't say anything.

A few minutes later, we stream out from the parking lot, heading towards the entrance with everybody else, joining the flow. Everyone around us is animated, talking about where they went and what they did for the summer, and how they can't believe it all went by so fast. There's the usual mindless gossip about other people. Other people's clothes. Other people's summer jobs. Other people's hook-ups and break-ups.

As we walk, Sam spots a bunch of his basketball friends and breaks off from us. Rob and I barely even notice. We head up those symbolic front steps for the first time, pushing our way inside.

We don't say anything to each other as we head in, but we look around a lot, observing. Once we've kind of gotten our bearings, we split up to go at it on our own. Rob says he'll see me later, wishing me luck before slinking off down the hall.

I stare at the back of his jacket for some time, then turn away with a deep breath. I manage to find my locker, fiddling with the combination while watching the other kids out of the corner of my eye. Some of them look at me for a second or two, probably noticing that I'm a freshie. I imagine they're trying to label me, but I bet they can't. I am careful not to stand out, in how I look and what I do. If you don't attract attention, you don't attract trouble.

As I pop open my locker door, a pair of girls walk by, looking my way. They're beautiful - tall and stylish. Their eyes jump up and down over my outfit - T-shirt, cargos, boots - and one of them makes a face.

A herd of huge, burly guys lumber past. One of them bumps into me, practically knocking my little frame over. Any sorries? No. Just a 'Watch it, girly'.

Oh, yeah. I am loving this school already.