Don't Hurt Me

Chapter 30

Sam borrows money from one of his friends on the basketball team and leaves on a bus that night. While Rob and I sit at the kitchen table, doing homework, our older brother makes his exit, a cap pulled low over his face to hide what happened to him.

Glancing at him, with his bags and his edgy demeanor, I can't help thinking that he's really so much like our father. Hot-tempered. Impulsive.

The front door shuts, and Rob and I find ourselves alone in the house. "How are we going to get to school?" I put to him.

"We'll bum a ride again."

"We'll have to keep doing it until Dad gets back."

He doesn't answer, returning his attention back to his books. I look down at my own homework but can't seem to process any of the words. I remember my conversation with Mom before, thinking over the last thing she said.

'You are going to be in a lot of trouble though. You just wait.'

The way she said that made it seem like she would be coming back. I bite my lip, hope brimming inside me. For all her faults, she's still our mother, and it's wrong to be away from her. But of course, first, she'll have to sort out things with dear old dad. I don't know how she's going to manage. I don't know how it could end any way but badly.

The next day, Rob and I ride to school with his friend Billy again. Rob tells him that we're going to need him to drive us for at least a few days, and he smiles and says 'No problem'. He doesn't know how much he doesn't know.

I sit in the car that morning, listening to some pop-punk band, while Rob and Billy make chit-chat. It occurs to me that I could have asked someone else for a ride to school - namely Josh - if I'd wanted to. But I didn't. I'm sick of dragging him into my problems. I'm sick of needing him. I still have my pride, even if the rest to me wants to see him, wants to have him comfort me and tell me things are going to be OK.

At that moment, I hear Billy asking Rob about Mona, and I start listening, curious.

"I haven't seen her for a while," Rob admits.

"Why?"

"I've ... been busy."

"Don't wait too long, man."

"I agree," I tell Rob, and he becomes red-faced.

"Clare, stay out of it."

"You like her, don't you?"

He shrugs, but I can tell from the stiff way he does it, and the way his eyes start darting around, that she matters to him. "What about you?"

"Me?"

"What's with you and that guy who came to the house looking for you? Josh?"

I stare at him for a minute. This is the first time Rob's actually asked about him. It feels strange to talk about this with my twin. "He's just a friend."

"He's in your class?"

"Um, no."

"Then how'd you get to know this guy?"

"Uh .... " I remember the fight on Toledo Avenue, then push the memory away, searching for something more acceptable. "School. Detention."

"Oh, you mean ... ?" he pauses there, looking at me expectantly. I'm sure he remembers. "Right. So are you and him going out?"

"No. He has a girlfriend."

Something shifts in Rob's eyes. "Oh. Well, that sucks."

'I mean, I'm with Erin. That's how it is.'