Don't Hurt Me

Chapter 12

My parents are out. Not together - they haven't done that in years. I have no idea where either of them went. It would be great if my father was at a job interview, but it's Saturday so that's unlikely.

With everyone out, I have the house to myself. Well, almost. Rob's home, but he keeps to his room so it's practically the same thing. I stretch out in the living room, eating chips as I flip through TV channels. I wonder where my father could have gone after sitting at home for so long. I hope he's not up to anything stupid. In the middle of a shampoo ad, I hear the doorbell. I curse. Already, somebody's back! It hasn't even been an hour.

Again, the bell rings.

Wait a minute. If that were Mom, my father or Sam, they would've walked right in instead of ringing the bell. Huh. The Conroys, who did not even have anyone over for Christmas, now have a visitor at their door.

I get up quickly, dusting crumbs off my front and righting my hair. A crazy thought enters my head as I walk into the hall. Josh? Before I can indulge in that hope though, the memory of meeting his girlfriend, pretty Erin O' Keefe, hits me. I can't ignore the hurt gouging my insides. I can't shut out that little voice in my head laughing at how dumb I was. I fling the front door open, anxious to see who it is.

A small girl stands there, warm-skinned with big, brown eyes behind glasses. She has a funny style. A blue streak in her black hair. Violet Indian silk pants paired with a white top – the kind that only has one sleeve.

"Hi," she says brightly, bouncing her backpack on her shoulders. "You're Clare, right?"

"Uh, yeah. Who are you?"

"Mona. I came to see your brother."

"Sam? He's out with his friends."

You wouldn't believe the number of girls that used to show up at our house, wanting to see my brother. Or the ones that would pretend to be my friend, when really they were only trying to get to Sam. I would've thought that these girls would've stopped trying that by now. I open my mouth to give a good lecture peppered here and there with F-bombs but Mona speaks again, stopping me.

"Actually, I meant Rob."

"Robbie?" My eyes flutter open and shut a few times. "I didn't know he – "

"We're supposed to do a project together," Mona tells me with a smile before I can run off with that assumption.

"Oh, you got paired up with him?"

"Yeah."

Sounds believable enough. "OK. Come on in." I hold the door open and she trots inside curiously.

"Rob!" I call up the stairs. "Somebody for you!" I turn to Mona. "You want something to drink?"

"No, that's OK. Thanks."

Rob comes bounding down the stairs then, stopping halfway at the sight of his classmate. "Mona. Hey."

"Hey, Rob."

"Come on up. I'm all ready."

She nods at me before making her way up.

"Have fun," I call after them, resisting an urge to make kissing sounds to irritate my brother. A minute later, a door slams, and things are nice and quiet again. Everyone is out or busy today, except for me. Even Rob has a girl with him, even if they're not doing anything fun.

I make my way back to the living room, turning off the TV. Picking up my phone, I dial a number I haven't keyed in for weeks now, simply because I didn't want to try.

"Hello?"

"Alex?"

"Oh," she goes, a little awkwardly. "Hey, Clare."

Things have been strained between us ever since the incident with Derek, and I'll admit that my avoiding her and Adam haven't made things any better. "I thought we could talk. Do you want to meet up or something?"

She takes a moment to think. "Yeah, OK. Meet you at the bridge?"

"Yup. Be there in fifteen. See ya'."

We hang up, and soon, I'm outside, flying down the street on my bike. It's getting warmer, and kids are coming out to play again. A gorgeous girl walks by, her black puff of a terrier on a leash. Someone whistles, and she lifts her nose, nonchalantly tossing her hair.

Wow. I wonder what it would be like to be someone like her. I can only imagine. I have a cat instead of a fancy-looking dog, and my hair's too short to toss.

I stand on the pedals, racing down sidewalks and over streets. Despite everything going on around me, all I can think of Josh.

I can't believe this. I shouldn't be thinking about him. The guy might as well be stamped 'Property of Erin O' Keefe'. Even thoughts of him are wrong.

I lift my head, breathing in more air than I need. I feel like I've been jumping through a merry-go-round of emotions over this. Over him.

Yet, I have to admit that Josh didn't do anything wrong. He never actually made a pass at me. Maybe he was just being nice and friendly, and I read too much into it. Or did I? I think back to that day in detention, and how he insisted on sending me home. Now, I'm not so sure.

I whiz past a line of stores, rolling alongside a height of black fence that winds around the park. I move faster, turning in at the gates.

A couple of minutes later, after I've propped up my bike against a tree, I walk down to the bridge where no water flows. Alex is there, leaning against the stone. She's in crimson jeans and a tight top, her wavy hair flowing loose. "I'm glad you called," she tells me. "We haven't talked in a while."

"I know."

"I feel like I'm losing you, Clare."

I blink in surprise at her words. "You could never lose me."

"I feel like you're pulling away and there's nothing I can do about it. It's scary."

"I didn't mean to do that."

"You know that just because Adam and I are together, that doesn't change anything between us, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

"Good, good. Anyway ... I've been wanting to ask if everything's OK with you?"

I gaze at her, puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you'd tell me if something was wrong, right?"

"Of course. Where's this coming from?"

"Well, to be honest, Adam and I are a little worried about you."

"Adam and you?" I repeat, trying not to laugh. She makes it sound like the two of them are already married.

"With your sneaking out to places like Toledo Avenue and what happened with Derek, I can't help feeling like there's something going on with you."

"Aw, geez, Alex, that was nothing."

She doesn't look convinced. "So it's all in my head?"

"Well ... yeah. You worry too much about me, Alex."

"Well, someone has to."

That surprises me. Sometimes, I forget that I have a best friend. Sometimes I forget that anyone in this world cares what happens to Clare Conroy.