Don't Hurt Me

Chapter 35

"Cool it, Clare. I just don't want anyone to see me."

"What?"

"I missed school, remember? I can't have any of the teachers running into me."

"Whatever. Did you just get back?"

"Yeah. I was thinking about going into the house to get my stuff, but I'm not sure that's such a good idea. Maybe I can sneak in."

"And then what?"

He shrugs. "I'll find somewhere to crash. No biggie."

"Right," I answer, letting bitterness into my tone. "Because you're only going to be around in Delcott for a couple of months, right? It'll be easy for you."

He frowns at me. "Whoa. What's wrong with you?"

"Mom told me about the idea to move."

"Yeah, so?"

"So I think it's bullshit."

"Why?"

"Because it's not fair. I don't want to move, and neither does Rob."

"You're not telling me you actually like Delcott?"

"We grew up here."

"Yeah, and a lot of good that's done us. There's nothing for us here, Clare. What are you hanging on to?"

"Nothing," I answer, a little too quickly. "I just …. There has to be some other way."

"There isn't. Look, it's for the best. You have to realize that."

"Hi, Sam," we hear Alex's voice as she saunters up, her soft chestnut hair bouncing on her shoulders.

"Hey, Alex," he answers, giving her a once-over. Neither he nor Rob can ever face Alex without that look. No male can, I suppose.

"What's going on?" Alex asks me. "Is it OK for you to go home?"

"No. Sam, I have to go. I'll talk to you later."

"Do you need a ride?" Alex offers him.

He shrugs. "I don't know even know where I'm going."

"Home," I tell him pointedly. "Get some clothes and find someplace to stay, remember?"

"We can drop you off, if you want," Alex tells him.

He shrugs. He doesn't seem to really care. He follows as we go to wait for Mrs. Caruso.

Later, in the car, Sam and I don't talk much. Sam's not the quiet type, but he and I can't very well say much to each other when there are strangers around, and he doesn't know Alex or her mother very well.

As Mrs. Caruso pulls onto our street, something sour rises in my throat. Is this the last time I'll ever come back here? Is this the last time I'll ever see my house? What if I really do have to move away to Callville forever at the end of this year?

I hold my breath as we pull up outside the house. For some reason, I imagined seeing the house having changed in some way that would reveal everything, as if the truth might have clawed its way to the surface somehow. But the house looks as ordinary as ever. Life is deceiving. Life is an illusion. Life is a lie.

"Thanks, Mrs. Caruso," Sam says.

"No problem."

He leans forward slightly, lowering his voice a little. "Actually, I need to pick up some stuff and go to a friend's place. Would you mind waiting for me?"

"Not at all."

I clear my throat. "I, uh, think I'm going to go get some stuff too."

She turns to look at us, something knowing in her eyes. "Is any of you staying in that house?"

I look at Sam. He laughs, treating it as a joke, then opens his door. "We'll be right back." He slides out, and I scoot over to follow. We cross the yard together, while the car idles by the sidewalk. There are dead leaves all over the yard, and the flag on our mailbox is raised. All unnoticed.

Sam and I step up to the front door, and I feel sick, like I'm going to hurl at any minute. I clutch his sleeve, bringing him to a halt. I peep through a window, but can't see anything. It seems safe. "OK."

Sam opens the front door, poking his head inside. I hear nothing. No sound. No movement.

This is so not a good idea, and yet, in a weird sort of way, I think I want to see our father. I want to see what's happened to him. I am equal parts curiosity and fear. If anything happens, we'll bolt. No problem.

We tread through the hallway, which now seems alien to me, like we're in a stranger's house. We make our way up the stairs, and I glance in the direction of our father's bedroom. The door is shut. He could be inside. He could be right there.

I nod at Sam, and we split ways. He goes to his room, and I go to mine.

In a moment of déjà vu, I start taking things. I gather as much as I can that will not look too suspicious to the Carusos.

I look around my room for a minute before leaving, swallowing hard. I can live without coming back to this house, to this room. I just want to be able to stay in Delcott somehow.

I step outside. Sam is not out yet, so I gently rap on his door. "Hurry up," I hiss.

"Almost done."

Finally, he comes up, his footsteps seeming painfully loud to me. We are almost at the staircase when we hear the sound of a door opening. The one to our father's room.