In Your Eyes [TWD]

°•eighteen•°

"Something is on your mind," I observe Lydia, "What is it?"

Lydia's eyes stay on the dish she eases into the sink and shrugs.

"Okay," I nod, leaning against the counter, "I get that Carl is a bad cook, but was it the food?"

She huffs a small laugh, shaking her head.

"Think the best meal he's ever made- and I hate that I'm admitting to it, was when he and Negan made spaghetti years ago. Hated being there, but it was good."

Lydia frowns, leaning against the table directly across from me. I wait, watching her form the words in her head.

"Why is Negan locked up? Who put him there?" she asks.

"Negan.." I sigh, "Negan did some things a long time ago. Carl's dad is the one that put him in there. Even though I was trying to kill him the whole time."

"You tried to kill Negan?"

"So many times."

"But.." she looks over to me, "You visit him now.. Why.."

"I don't know why. Part of me wonders if it's to try and get closure for what he did. Maybe another part is making sure he doesn't do it again. Maybe because he's always been an asshole but never lied. He's always been straightforward with me and I can trust that he'll keep doing that. Maybe another part keeps going there until I have the strength to finally kill him."

"You still want to kill him?"

"I think I do."

"You think?" she questions, "What does that mean?"

"I'm still not over what he did.. Don't think I ever will be. But, like I said, I can trust him enough to not go back on his words. Not to me, anyway."

Lydia looks to the floor, crossing her arms in thought. She's silent for a few seconds before looking back to me and finally asking-

"What did he do?"

I think back to a couple days ago- how his movements were so reminiscent to the line up that it all came back at once. It was still so fresh that I could picture it all again standing here in the kitchen.

'So..' Negan sighs, bringing his bat back up, 'Back to it.'

As the swing plays in my head, I look to the floor as well, shaking my head to get the memory out.

"Another time," I decide, "I promise I'll tell you."

"Okay," she nods.

With a troubled look, she sighs. Still allowing her to go at her own will, I only wait. After a few seconds, she musters up the strength to speak.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," I nod.

"There's.. There's something going on and I don't know how to handle it," she admits quietly.

"What is it?" I question.

"You were from Hilltop," she remembers, "You knew Rodney and Addy.. Right?"

"I did," I confirm, "They grew up most their lives there so I saw them pretty often. But, of course, they were kids so I didn't spend too much time with them. They were usually in school or home."

"So, you know Gage, too?" 

"Yeah, the three of them were close. Where you saw one, you saw the other two."

"Well.. Lately, Gage has been kind of-"

In the front, the door slams open, Carl rushing in and cutting Lydia off. Between the door slamming, when he knew the kids were asleep, and the panicked look on his face, concern took over immediately.