In Your Eyes [TWD]

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The Aftermath

Pacing back and forth, I bite my thumbnail.

"Jade," Kate sighs, leaning forward in her seat.

"Don't," I shake my head.

Through the closed door, I could still hear the faint cries as Michonne and Carl tried their best to explain to poor Judith what had happened to Rick. Michonne stuttered where as Carl hardly spoke at all.

"You should sit down, at least," Kate offers.

"Uh uh," I hum.

"You need to-"

"I need to just.. I-," I sigh, placing my head in my hands.

Kate stands, making her way to me. As she places her hand on my arm, I take a step back.

"Jade," she frowns, "I know it's hard but-"

"He's dead, Kate," I huff, "Rick is dead and he died thinking I hate him. And now Judith doesn't have him or Lori. Carl doesn't. Alexandria doesn't have a leader and.."

"Carl is strong. Judith is young, but still strong. Alexandria has Michonne, Aaron, Gabriel-"

"It's not the same, Kate," I deny, "He's been leader since day one. Ever since he found the group, he's been.."

I sigh another breath, unable to breathe right since the bridge happened. 

"Shane and him.. They were leaders from the start. After Shane, it was only Rick and now.. Now it's just a mess," I explain.

Shane who is also dead. Died thinking I hate him.

And now Rick is dead. And also died thinking I hate him.

"I need.. I just need a second," I pant out, all but running to the door.

Once outside, walking through Alexandria, I could feel everyone keeping their distance from me. I couldn't handle being here after Glenn died. Then, I couldn't handle seeing Negan. Now, Rick was gone? It's like I was the new plague they were trying to avoid.

If he just let us kill Negan from the start- no.

If he didn't decide to work on the bridge- no.

If Daryl didn't lead him the opposite direction- no.

If that herd didn't break loose- no.

If he just let us help- no.

I drop myself on the bottom of the stairs, placing my head on my knees, trying to gain any type of composure.

Rick was dead. Carl's dad. Judith's dad. The man that helped raise me before all this. The leader.

"Baby girl, is that you?" Negan's voice asks.

My head snaps up, looking around. Was he out? How the hell-

"Hey," he calls again.

Following the sound of his voice, I look below and beside.

The window in his cell was just below me, his hands gripping the bars at his height.

If Maggie and I didn't come here and we were closer to the bridge maybe-

"You.. You don't look so good," Negan notes.

"Why does it matter to you?" I ask, voice cracking and weak as I look back in front of me.

I was just here yesterday, right before Rick died, ready to watch Negan die. A sick turn of events, really.

"Can I not ask at least?" he asks.