[For That is What a Princess Should Do]

My Own Soldier

(You can listen to the music while reading this chapter if you want to :)

~ Chapter 22 ~

Elise's P.O.V

"I'm sorry Eliot." I can feel his glare on me. I don't have the courage to even look him in the eye. I can't after what I did. I put my head in my hands almost wanting to just be swallowed up by the floor. I can't bear the guilt. I hear him sigh. I look up to see him almost sorry.

"I don't want an apology Miss Elise. I'm confused, that's all. I don't want you to feel guilty even though it looks like that can't be helped." He glances at me. "I understand you are being forced to endure so much hate and sadness. I understand, I do because I too had to go through the same situation."

I raised my head so fast when he said that. 'He understands? Same Situation?' I'm sure he noticed my curiosity and quickly went on with his story. "I am the son of a mistress. My father was married to another woman when my mother fell in love with him. As time passed their relationship got more intimate. One thing led to another and finally my mother was pregnant." I could hear the torment in his voice. I wanted to reach out to him, but I knew first hand that wouldn't do anything.

"When my mother shared the news with my father he burst out in rage. Apparently he blamed her for everything. He did take me and my mother in for a while. Only until I reached the age of 9. During the time we lived with him I could tell he detested me. He always castes me aside. My two older half brothers didn't like me either. They would hit me, yell at me. They even framed me for things I didn't do. One day I was playing out in the garden. They came out and asked me if they could play with me." He paused. I knew he was recalling the events of that day. His eyes were narrow, almost filled with hatred.

"I remember, they beat me up so badly that I had to be in bed for almost a month." His fist tightened and his jaw clenched. To think this shy looking boy had such an experience. He looked at me. He had the most sympathetic eyes that I had ever seen. "That is why I understand you princess. I understand that you might want to forget and free yourself from your problems by acting rebellious, but that isn't going to help at all."

Even though his words were kind and gentle they carried no weight on me. No one can say something new. Everyone says the same damn things. I showcase my very well acted smile and say, "your right, thank you for understanding." I felt bad for lying to him. For using him in such inappropriate manners.

His hand reaches for mine, and his fingers intertwine with my fingers. His hands were cold. They were rough from all the training they probably had to go through. His thump slowly rubbed on the top of my hand. I take my hand away from his and start to get up. "Now umm about last night. I want to explain myself."

He sits there just watching and paying full attention to me. "No words justify what I did, nor am I trying to justify my actions. I merely want to make things clear." My hands behind my back and my head low. I couldn't feel more ashamed. "You see, my relationship with his majesty is bad. I won't go into details, yet I don't doubt you know."

His face is serious as if he is a child learning about his favorite things. "I was feeling mad, pressured, but most of all alone. Nico is now guard of Evangelina, and, and, Eclipse is away to teach some Nobles. I'm being forced to fight someone who is untouchable. And a not so stupid girl who can be as scheming as a snake. So when we did ....'it' I was just trying to be rebellious. A huge mistake on my part. You aren't a toy, nor are you a puppet I can easily use when I want and throw when you have no use for me."

Eliot is kind, I know that. He isn't going to scold me like Nico would and he isn't going to tell me 'everything is fine' when it isn't like Eclipse would. He is going to let me fall and stumble over problems that I need to solve on my own. He is going to be there to pick me up when I fall. I need that.

Nico always taught me to be elegant. He always shut me up when I wanted to speak. He showed me how to hurt alone, to cry without letting anyone notice my red eye. He would let me breakdown and only then would he help me. I didn't want that. I didn't need him to scold me when I was trying to fight on my own.

Eclipse on the other hand always made me think everything was fine. He would allow me to cry, to yell, to kick, to scream. He would let me throw my tantrums like a child. Over and over he made sure to let me know that he was there for me. Yet that wasn't what I needed either. I wasn't fine. Everything was not ok. I was in pain, and he always turned a  blind eye to it.

I'm grateful for the help and support they offered me though. They are great people. I don't doubt they would be willing to drop anything they are doing to help me. Since those are the kind of people they are. But now I need to start over. I need to fail. I need to correct myself.

I'll become stronger. I'll be better. I'll show everyone who looked down on me that Princess Elise can be her own soldier. For that is what a princess should do.