With The Beatles

Take 35

He breaks eye contact with me as his hands reached for his shirt pocket, "You left this at home."

At first I hesitated but curiosity got the better of me so I took the object from him. It's my 'Please Please Me' cassette tape.

It may look like an ordinary tape but I know; and I'm sure dad knows, that there's something inside that made this cassette special to me. When I left London I didn't got to pack all of my fangirl stuff and just brought the rare vinyls because they were the most expensive. This was probably one of the stuff I had accidentally left behind and eventually forgotten.

So I opened it with an aching heart.

There lies a picture of me and my parents. I was around five years old at this time and it was raining hard. School was cancelled and mum and dad insisted to stay home with me.

I remember this day clearly as if it was just yesterday. We put some Beatles records to play on the gramophone and we danced together to the fab four's music. Like the happy family we once were.

I also wouldn't forget how mum and dad danced and held each other while 'Real Love' was playing in the background.

As for my younger self, I'd just keep squealing whenever Paul is going to sing. Mum would also fangirl whenever George does his guitar solos then dad would pretend he's in pain and mum would kiss him passionately while saying she will always love him more than her favourite Beatle.

Looking back at those times, I try my best not to tear up in front of him.

Those were, without a doubt, memories that will only be lived in my mind forever to open up these scars.

"When I found that cassette tape sitting on your desk, I realized that I never stopped loving her. Judith." I looked up to him in surprise as he started to speak, "If I ever did, I shouldn't have neglected you and tossed you away just like that. It's a mistake I don't deserve to be forgiven.

"You're right, I'm a bad father. I couldn't even afford to spend time with you or ask about your insights on the decisions I'm making. I never thought of considering your feelings and even made you live with someone who doesn't treat you well."

He pinched the bridge of his nose to fix his eyeglasses, "I shouldn't have cheated on your mother, if only I did not remarry, I should've—"

I didn't let him finish as I ran over to his arms like a helpless child and started tearing up on his shoulder. How long I've been waiting for this moment to come. "I'm sorry, Judy. I'm very very sorry."

"I always wanted to hold and be with you like this, dad. I was just scared because all this time I thought you have completely forgotten about us." I don't care if I was talking like a kindergartner right now. It's the heavy feeling I was carrying all throughout my teenage life and I'm just glad I'm able to express them right now.

"I'm sorry... for leaving you. For giving you and stepmother some troubles. I'm sorry for keeping a lot of things from you. I was just... scared."

We broke away from each other and he caressed my cheeks to wipe my tears away. "I've been worthless and absent for all your life, I deserve that punishment. But keep in mind that there's never a day that I didn't think about you and your mother. You know you are always in the deep shallows of my heart."

Another tear escaped from my eye but it's not because of sadness. I've never been more than glad.

"You look just like her." He says with a smile as his eyes are also in the verge of tears. He planted a kiss on my forehead while muttering, "I love you, Jude."