HOMEBODY | A Lil Durk Love Story

Track 7 : Cacoon

CALYPSO

My whole life, I expected others to move the way I did. I never considered the fact that they weren't cut from the same cloth as me. Some weren't even cut for a cloth I'd wipe my ass with. Others, just didn't see life from the same perspective as I had. My word is my bond. I say what I mean, and I respect boundaries.
I was raised in a toxic household, every day life felt like a battlefield. My voice was constantly silenced and then later used against me. My personality was ridiculed and I had no control over anything in my life. I struggled with depression most of my childhood and even that was ignored. Instead, the symptoms I displayed were judged as flaws in my character. Things I needed to "fix" about myself. Things like cleaning my room, doing my hair, even my performance in school was surveilled. I failed in everything I did, even though I was gifted. Just depressed.
I got older and ended up with a man who made me relive the cycle of the past I escaped from. Life was nearly useless and I was only hanging on by a thread. Durk came along and gave me an ounce of hope. He made me believe that I was worth more than I expected of myself. All in one night, I was finally looking forward to living.
Then, he let me down too. Again, I fell for the bate like a fool. I was walking around Ohio with a fucked up face, a suitcase, and spare key. No real home to go to, I was once again a fucking charity case. All in one night, I lost everything I had to my name. Everything.
After walking for a few minutes down a side street, I heard a vehicle pull up behind me and roll down their window. I began trembling at the thought that Slim had found me and this would be my last chance to run. Not wasting any time, I let go of the suitcase and I shot out towards the next corner.
"Caly?!" He said. But it wasn't Slim, it was Durk. So, I stopped in my tracks and I broke down in tears. My throat began to burn from trying to hold in my emotions. "Caly, please get in the truck." I was too afraid to turn around, I couldn't move. It couldn't really be him.
"Go away!"
"I'm sorry I was late, I-"
"No, YOU LIED TO ME!" I wiped my wet cheeks and adjusted my shades.
"I didn't lie, I-"
"Then, where were you, huh? How come I wasn't able to contact you? Why did you let me take the fall for all of this?!" His car door shut and soon I heard my suitcase dragging toward me.
"Let's talk about this in the truck, we can't be out here like this."He said in the lowest tone he could. I turned around and stared him in the eyes.
"I didn't ask you to be out here like this. In fact, you don't have to be here at all. None of this shit should've happened and I regret that I allowed it to happen. How does it feel to be the topic of discussion? Must feel real good to know you still got it,huh?"
"I didn't mean for it to happen like this."
"Well, what the fuck did you expect?"
"Get in the truck, and I'll show you."
"No."
"Please, London." He held his hand out for me to grab. "You can chew my head off if you want to. But first, you have to get in the truck with me. Now." Just like that, I let my guard down and grabbed his hand. He led me to the passenger side and put my suitcase in his trunk. Just like before, I melted into the seat, closing my eyes. When he settled in the car, we sat for a moment in silence. "You changed your mind about chewing my head off?" He laughed, but that subsided when I didn't respond. I stared out the window in awe that he actually pulled through. "I thought a lot about you, and what happened between us."
"Yeah? Well, you don't have to worry about me exposing you. I've had enough of this situation already. So, you taking me home or what?"
"This isn't how I imagined our reunion. I hoped you'd at least be happy to see me. Royale's probably losing her shit right now, but I'm here. I showed up."
"Happy?! I would've been happy if you showed up yesterday, when I needed you. But yeah, let's make me feel like shit by telling me what you're sacrificing by being here. I lost EVERYTHING!... I don't get a trophy for ignoring the blogs, turning down interviews, deleting comments, and taking blame for something I didn't do by myself? But, you want one. I'm supposed to thank you and kiss yo ass because you're here under your own convenience. This was your CHOICE. I don't have one." I paused to catch my breath. My heart was beating fast and my tears were fighting to escape. Then, I removed my shades."I did this. I don't blame you, I don't blame Royale, and I can't blame Slim. Hell, I can't even blame Jason. This is what happens when I make mistakes... I pay for them."
I faced Durk, revealing my bruised up face. His expression went from wide eyed shock and eyebrow furrowed confusion, to concern. Possibly, anger. He placed his hands on my cheeks, sliding under the braids that shielded them. Words struggled to escape his lips, and eventually failed. The worry in his eyes broke me down to my core. He pulled me to his chest and held me tight. Resistance wasn't an issue, his embrace disarmed me. The aroma of his cologne put me at peace, bringing me back to our moment in the hotel.
Suddenly, I fell into a trance. Images of Durk and Royale in a bubble bath flashed through my mind. Only, I was seeing it from his point of view. There were a few that consisted of him just walking alone in nature. I embodied the way he felt about the images, erasing my own.
When we pulled away, Durk looked like he had soaked up all my pain. While I was wiping my last tears, his first were falling.
"Wait, what's wrong?" I said. He shook his head and started the car.
"Put your seatbelt on." As soon as the buckle clicked, he pulled off.
"Did I do something?"
"Nah, but I'm bout to." He swerved through side streets until he landed on the only road that leads to my house. You know, the one where I lived with Slim about 24hrs ago. I floated pass the house, glancing at Slim's car in the driveway.
"Woah, woah, woahh! What the fuck are you doing?"
"Who did that to you?"
"W-wha— huh?" He parked in an Alley behind the house, and pulled a lever under his seat. A black pouch dropped under his legs, making a big thud.
"Who's Jason?" He dragged the pouch between his feet and unzipped it. My heart started beating out of my chest when I saw a gun bigger than the one that Jason pulled out. Yet, Durk's had more parts. He sat right beside me while he assembled it, and then loaded it. He didn't hesitate one bit, every step was aggressive. His eyes lit up as he cocked it back. The vivid memory of what happened the last time I saw a gun was so threatening, I didn't realize that Durk was waiting for my response. "Is that the friend who was peeping through windows?"
"Why, what about him?"
"You said you don't blame him. You don't blame him for what? What did he do to you?"
"Nothing."
"Then why bring his name up?"
"I don't know. Now, put the gun away and let's-"
"So, you're gonna let them get away with it?"
"You think that I should be okay with you walking into a house with a gun in broad daylight? Mm.. For one second, remember who you are. Then, remember where you are. Now, realize what you're about to do." I impulsively grabbed the gun from him and contemplated going in the house to shoot them myself. But then, I thought about how Durk decided Jason was guilty of something I didn't even mention. "How'd you know?"
"Know what?"
"Durk, stop playing with me. Did Bria tell you?!"
"No."
"Then, how'd you know?"
"You- I saw it when I hugged you.."
"What do you mean, you saw it?
"So, you didn't see anything when I hugged you?" That's when it clicked.
"You saw and felt everything, too?" I asked. He nodded slowly.
"They will pay for what they did to you, I promise."
"Just don't do anything stupid, like this." I waved the gun.
"We'll see." He chuckled. "That's yours." He nodded at the gun. "Keep it on you at all times, I'll teach you how to used it later. And be careful, this one is loaded."
"What now?"
"We find out what the fuck is going on between us. In the meantime, we're off to Chicago." He started the car back up and pulled off. I smiled with approval while staring at him. He licked his lips and glanced at me, catching my eyes.
"Thank you." I said.
"For what?"
"Not judging me. All my life I've been in defense mode, trying to live up to everyone's expectations of me. People have been so focused on who they want me to be, they never cared to learn who I am... You don't expect anything from me, and I can see you see me. I can't hide, because you already know. It's refreshing, knowing that someone knows my truth."
"This is only the beginning. Eventually, I'll be part of that truth." He grabbed my hand and gave it a kiss.
"Yeah, that started two days ago." We laughed and shared a look. We held hands as he drove with his other. His thumb caressed mine. I was secure.