Chasing Stars | 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘭𝘪𝘹

FORTY-NINE: Reality

CHAN'S POV

It's been only a week since Felix's death that's why I'm staring at his picture which Jisung sent to me. All I could say is he looks so beautiful in white.

I asked Jisung one last favor. To let me go inside Felix's house for the very last time. Before I move on. Before I live the reality that he is no longer with me.

As I stand before the door. I sighed deeply to prepare myself. Am I ready to see the place where he could've been resting with me? I will forever regret the day I was the reason for his death. If it wasn't for me, he won't cry and run away.

I entered the living room and immediately saw the sofa where we used to cuddle. The television where we watch our favorite series and movies.

"Felix, I know you're watching me now. Are you still mad?" Meh. Dumb of me to ask that. If he can punch me right now, he will.

I went to his room and tried to search for his diary. I know this is wrong since he always hides this from anyone but I just want to see what did he write before the accident happened.

"Found ya" I found his diary in an instant and it's just under his bed. My baby is predictable. I knew it's there ever since but I just don't want him to get mad. But now that he's mad, might as well do this.

His diary has a pink glittery with his doodle of his name. The designs were so much like him. Sweet, cute, and pretty.

I opened it and looked for the recent ones. I saw how he treasured all of our date nights. He printed our pictures and decorated them here. He put the dates and even how our first kiss went. He sure remembers everything.

The next thing I saw broke my heart to the fullest.

"Dear Diary-yeah,

I know I'm too young for marriage but what if I die soon? If Chan will propose to me, No wouldn't be an option. It's just Yes or Yes for me. Despite being in a relationship with him not long ago, I know he's the perfect man for me and I'm more than ready to be his other half.

I love Channie so much. His bright smile and large forehead are so perfect. Not gonna lie, his body is out of this world. I'm lucky I'm getting every inch of it. Kekekeke.

I hope he feels the same and see himself with me in the future. I want my next update to you to be the day that he'll propose to me so you have to wait. Okay?

Love, Yongbokkie Lixie."

Tears started falling from my eyes causing a part of the page to get wet. I heard someone entered and immediately went outside.

It's Jisung. I sobbed again and he ran to give me hug. I wish it's Felix who's hugging me right now.

"Hyung, he's in a better place."

"I know but I can't help it. What if... I... I did not cheat on him? What if I just let our career go down? What if I did n-not hurt him? Jisung, I regret everything. I want to be with him now. Kill me, please." These are all the words I said and I meant them.

"Hyung, I won't lie I want to punch you in the face for what you did but please don't ever think of killing yourself. You need to accept the reality."

Jisung hugged me again. "You're all I have now, hyung. You know that." He added.

I went to his room again and searched for the hoodie he always wear whenever he feels happy. And luckily, I found it. The first time I saw him wearing this was the day we crashed at each other at the park. He seems broken then because of Changbin— oh wait a damn minute. They are together now?

I took his hoodie and went outside already.

"Are you ready to start again, CB97?" Jisung smiled.

"I am. I have to."

Felix is gone. He's never coming back. That's the reality and I should accept that. Felix, you are always in my heart.

I love you until death. Your freckles are my stars. I'm glad I met you again but sad we have to be apart like this. I'll forever be CHASING YOU for I'll be always CHASING STARS.