Finding April (gxg)

Part 30

I was hanging out with Gabi more in the few weeks after Ava and I broke up. I was feeling completely numb, and hanging out with her brought me somewhat to life. I couldn't get Ava off my mind. From the second I woke up to the moment I somehow fell asleep, I was thinking about her. And I wasn't using Gabi to fill any kind of void, but I just needed that interaction, something else other than thinking of Ava.
Heartbreak is indescribable. I thought I was "heartbroken" when Amira and I broke up, but it was nothing like this. It was debilitating almost. Like every piece of my heart was just shattered. I could barely eat. I wanted to sleep all day. The numbness and emptiness that I felt inside was almost unbearable.
I kept thinking about what Ava was doing. How she was feeling. If she was thinking about me too. And I was killing me that I couldn't just fucking ask her. How did we go from what we were to now I couldn't even send her a simple text?
It felt kind of odd to be hanging out with Gabi at my sisters old apartment, but at the same time it made me feel slightly comforted. It was like I could somewhat feel April's presence there. I mean, literally all of her clothes and everything was still there.
I was smoking quite a lot with Gabi. Cigarettes and weed. I found myself smoking cigarettes as well when I was just by myself as well. I would mostly smoke them in my car.
I had just smoked one in my car and was up in my room changing to go to Gabi's, when I heard a knock at my door. My brother, Scott, was visiting my parents this particular weekend so I thought it would possibly be him. It was.
"Hey." he said when I opened my door.
"How's it going?" I asked him. It was amazing how much he looked like my dad, and he was even more as he was getting older.
"Good on my end. How about you? How are you holding up?" he asked me. He didn't explicitly ask me about Ava, but I knew that was what he was referring to.
"I'm hanging in there." I gave him a small smile.
"Well, I'm here if you need anything." he said. "Now, let's talk about this new habit you seem to have taken up."
"What new habit?"
"Please, you reek of cigarettes." he chuckled, "I think mom and dad are nervous to bring it up to you, but you smell like a walking pack of Marlboro's."
"Oh. I didn't realize it was that bad."
"It is. Now, I know you're going through a tough time- but I promise you that's not the answer. You're just going to fuck your lungs up." Scott said.
"Thank you, future Doctor. But it's just a temporary thing to get me by. It won't be a forever thing."
"Just be careful, okay? I don't want anything happening to you." Scott said. And I knew as he said that he was thinking of April too. Because I was as well.
Gabi would flirt with me occasionally when I would hangout with her. I will give her one thing- she was definitely determined. I hadn't given in though. I knew if I did I would feel an immense amount of guilt. And it would almost solidify it too much in my head that Ava and I were really over.
But I liked talking to Gabi. She was about as real as they come, and underneath her somewhat cocky exterior she was actually a very sweet person. She would check up on my daily to see how I was doing. And she didn't have to hangout with me, but she was.
We were sitting next to each other on the couch smoking and watching Shameless when Gabi said, "A little birdie told me he is going out with Ava tonight."
I turned and looked at her, "Who, your half brother?" I asked, referring to Tony, who was friends with Ava.
"Yep. Apparently she's been extremely upset and him and her other friends are trying to cheer her up." Gabi said.
"And you thought to tell me this over an hour into us hanging out?"
Gabi rolled her eyes, "Tony just texted me."
"Ava has been extremely upset?" I asked her.
"That's what he said." Gabi nodded.
"See if you can find out more information." I said.
"I will. Tony is probably just taking her to some gay club where they will be listening to Lady Gaga all night."
"I hope she doesn't...meet girls." I swallowed.
"I feel like Tony won't let her. He is waving the Ava and Josephine flag high. He probably just wants her to face and let loose." Gabi said.
"I'm glad to hear he is. And I guess...she deserves to let loose." I said reluctantly.
"So do you." Gabi winked at me.
"You're not going to ever let up, are you?" I chuckled.
"Please, Josephine. I don't give up. Especially if the girl is as hot as you."
I felt myself blush and I wasn't quite sure why. I was probably just missing the attention. "You really think I'm that hot?"
"Of course I do. And I'm not just saying that. Any girl would be lucky to be with you." Gabi's eyes flickered toward me.
Why was I feeling an urge to kiss her? What the fuck? She just wants to get laid.
"You're just saying that."
"No, I'm not." Gabi said, "And your single now. Why not have some fun?"
I don't know why I did it- but I leaned in and kissed her. And it was nothing like kissing Ava. Kissing Ava felt like home. Comfortable. Soft.
This felt rough. Unknown. And it was interesting because as someone who usually tended to take control, I felt myself losing it as Gabi kept kissing me. She absolutely liked to be the top- something I realized in the failed threesome.
Eventually I was on top of her lap, straddling her. She slipped off my black t-shirt. "Wow." she said as she looked at me in my red bra. She leaned in and started giving me kisses on my chest.
Then, she pressed her hand over the part of my shorts that was starting to get wet underneath.
"Is this okay?" she murmured. I nodded.
We carried on kissing as she moved her fingers around inside my underwear. I was kissing her, and it felt good- she knew what she was doing- but my mind wasn't fully there. I was starting to be consumed with guilt.
Eventually I came as I was straddling her. And it felt like the release I needed for a moment, but right after I started to be filled with regret. And guilt.
"Are you alright?" Gabi asked me.
"I'm okay." I lied and gave her a reassuring small smile, "Mind if I sleep here? I feel tired."
"Of course you can. Want to sleep on the couch? I'll grab you some blankets." Gabi said, getting up.
"Sure, thank you." I said. Gabi came back a moment later with a fluffy blanket. I got under it and texted Kylie that I was sleeping out.
"Goodnight, Josephine. If you need anything you can grab me." Gabi said.
"Thanks. Night, Gabi." I said.
I was feeling exhausted from all the emotions going on in my head- and eventually I did drift off to sleep. At one point during the night though, my eyes snapped open at the sound of low talking, and I started to panic. Was someone in here? I looked at my phone. It was 3:37 AM. I turned on my phone flashlight and moved my phone around the living room. No one was there. But I was still hearing low talking.
I realized it was coming in the direction of Gabi's room. It struck me as odd that she was on the phone this late, and I wanted to make sure she was okay. I hoped she wasn't buying drugs on anything. It was nosy, but I moved from the couch a little closer to the hallway.
I could hear her say, "No, she's asleep. Don't worry- she's on the couch. I gave her a blanket and everything."
I froze. She was talking about me. Why? I was starting to panic.
I then heard Gabi softly laugh, "Okay, you caught me. We hooked up. Should I even be telling you this?"
Who the hell was she talking to?
But then I got chills throughout my body as I heard her say, "Alright, I'll let you go. But don't worry- I'll make sure your little sister is all good."
Little sister. Was she talking to...April?